Santa Barbara Life Coach Jesse Brisendine's Thoughts on Life
Jesse Brisendine is an internationally recognized life coach, personal trainer, speaker, and author who motivates, educates and inspires people worldwide.
Jesse has worked with 1000's of people from all over the world. Fortune 500 business leaders, Hollywood celebrities, entrepreneurs, musicians, and many more enlist Jesse’s help to ensure their success in business, relationships, health, and in life.
Jesse's passion is helping you live your most fulfilling life.
I was speaking with a client a couple days ago. We were in the midst of talking about some of her goals as we had just finished up removing the mental and emotional obstructions to those goals.
I'm in mid tangent (as I sometimes find myself in) when she stops me and asked me arguably the best question I have heard all week:
"Why are people sometimes more committed to talking themselves out of solutions to their problems/challenges than they are committed to finding answers and acting on them?"
Good question, right?
It came up because she is someone who we have spoken about working together a couple times over this year and there was always "something," that kept her from beginning.
"I can't speak for everyone," I told her, "but what I see with most people is that people get so absorbed in their stories about why things are the way they are and how they can't be any different that they are unwilling to allow themselves the gift of future sight."
"What do you mean by future sight?" she asked.
"Future sight is when a person is so committed to making their future brighter: more successful, happy, & fulfilling, than their now, that they are willing to look beyond their problems and create a vision of how life can be."
Unfortunately, Future Sight is not taught in most schools nor is it practiced in most households.
What we get is something drastically different... a "things are as they are," type of an education as to how life will unfold.
Many of us grow up believing things are the way they are and that if we are not naturally smart, confident, courageous, positive, happy, etc... then we can never be those things. Instead, we have to settle for living life with what we have vs creating what we want.
Nothing can be further from the truth.
Walt Disney once said, "If you can dream it you can do it."
Future Sight is your dream. If you limit your dreams you limit what you can experience now and in the future.
If you allow yourself to expand your dreams then the possibility for your future expands too.
You are a born dreamer.
Something to help you get started:
Grab a pen and a piece of paper.
Set a timer on your phone or watch for 5 minutes.
For the next 5 minutes (you can't stop) write down everything you want for your future completely independent of your perceived limitations in the present.
Ex: If you want to be a millionaire, but are in debt right now, write down "Be a millionaire." The exercise is not meant to focus on now, it is meant to allow you to take a gander at a yet to be determined future and give you a glimpse into what's possible.
Once your five minutes are up, pick 3 - 5 of the things that you want to focus on immediately. These can be short-term goals, things you think are more doable, or the ones that emotionally resonate with you the most.
Write them on a separate piece of paper then ask yourself: "Who, What, Where, When, Why,"
"Who do I know that can help me with this?"
Ex: friends, family member, mentor, someone you know or do not know online, a coach, a teacher, etc...
"What do I need to do to begin to accomplish this?"
Ex: Time, an accountability buddy, resources, etc...
"Where do I need to focus my time and energy right now to achieve this?"
Ex: Focus needs to be on finding someone to mentor me through the process.
"When will I accomplish this by?"
Ex: March 29th, 2018
"Why is this important to me?"
Ex: Because I want to be an example to my children about how amazing life can be when you decide that you deserve an amazing life.
Lastly, decide on what your first step forward will be and then the next one after that and take action, Immediately, on that first step.
Ex: Contact the local adult ed program and sign up for the finance class.
You do not need to pay a Miss Cleo type person to see into the future for you were born with the gift of Future Sight.
You can begin to use it right now and make your future as bright as you wish.
It is your destiny!
Any questions at all, please leave them in the comments below.
If you want to share your answers to the above, please do so.
During my brainstorming session of what I wanted to write about today I came across a video that had no words, only music. The video told a visual story of an underdog rising above the perennial favorite to win the competition the two were engaged in.
It was from this video that I heard the words "people are always looking for hope," speak as clear as day in the depths of my unconscious mind.
Myself being one who advocates the trusting of one's intuition to my clients as well as a continued dedication to improve my own acting on my silent voice - I'm going with this message with the belief that it will connect with exactly who it is meant to.
I once gave a talk on suicide awareness/prevention and one of the key points of that talk was the power of hope - that hope cannot only change lives, it can save them too.
Aside from love, I'm not sure any other emotion has the power that hope does. It can change lives, create lives, pick us up from our darkest places, and inspire us to reach higher than we have ever reached before.
Hope can be the fuel for eradicating diseases (look at the recent work done with polio) and it can inspire the discovery to some of the biggest questions we have (look at Elon Musk's pledge to get to Mars in the next several years).
We know how powerful hope is, how important it is to our overall quality of life, so then why is it sometimes so hard for us to find it?
The short answer of that is: Life.
Life can be extremely hard at times and when we lose our way or something derails us on our journey it can be tough to get going again. This process is made all the more difficult by the stories we tell ourselves and to anyone who will listen.
These stories evolve from "what happened," into "what happened + the impossibility of the future we face." It is in the "impossibility" that hope disappears for the story teller and becomes seemingly elusive.
An example of this "impossibility" in action:
Jane dates Mark then Mark cheats on her. Jane then decides that she cannot risk loving again because ALL men are cheaters.
Jane has closed off her future because she has allowed her pain to paint a picture of a dismal future - a future where all men are cheaters like Mark and Mark hurts Jane.
Here's another example:
Jane dates and marries Mark. They live a happy life with a happy family until suddenly, one day, without warning, Mark dies. Jane is now a widow. Jane feels pain and loss unlike she has ever felt before. Breathing takes effort and eating seems impossible at times. Someone tells Jane that she is depressed, so Jane becomes "Depressed." As her Depression Jane sees a future only through the lens of "no Mark" and a future of "no Mark," = depressing.
Obviously these are condensed down examples and life rarely happens as neat and tidy as I have presented them here. When we experience loss and with it a loss of hope, there are often dozens of other things, people, factors that contribute to the story we tell that limits our hope.
Which leads us to: Where should one look for hope and how should they go about finding it?
The best place to look for hope when you feel an absence of it, is look outward, look to the external world for hope. Look at the smile on a newborn baby, look at the excitement of a dog before they go for their walk, look at the carefree laughter of a child. Look at nature and you will see hope in the form of the blade of grass breaking through the sidewalk, or the first flower of spring to bloom. You will see examples of hope wherever you look.
Finding hope is different. To find hope means one must find hope within themselves. How do you do that when the feeling of hope is absent?
It begins with changing your story by deleting the impossibly hopeless future and rewriting it to allow space for possibility.
Lets go back to Jane to see an example of what I am saying.
When Jane just dated Mark and Mark cheated on her, Jane decided that she could not risk loving again because ALL men are cheaters?
What if Jane changed her story to something like:
"What happened with Mark is heartbreaking and it has made me all the more aware of the type of man I want to date. I know my best friend Sally is married to Jeff who is the most amazing man ever. I am committed to only dating men that embody characteristics similar to Jeff."
In this new story their is the acknowledgement of the pain, but what's different now, is that the future is no longer impossible and Jane's pain has a purpose - a purpose to find someone like Jeff.
In our other example where Jane and Mark were married then Mark died suddenly, what if Jane's story went something more like this:
"Mark was the love of my life and he brought me so much happiness and joy. My heart is broken right now, but I am committed to picking up the pieces one by one because I know Mark would want me to do that. I know Mark would want me to find my happiness again for myself and for our children. I am committed to finding my happiness because by doing so I will be loving Mark and honoring what I know in my heart his wishes for me are."
Again Jane is acknowledging her pain, but she has changed her story to give her pain a purpose (honoring Mark by finding her happiness).
Stories are powerful - they have been how we have passed human history from generation to generation. The stories we tell ourselves are the most powerful.
Hope exists everywhere, but to see it, to find it, and to experience it, the hopeless must change their story.
If you are still reading this, my guess is that you are seeking hope in some way in your life. You may not be seeking it in the same way as Jane. Perhaps you are seeking it for your health, for your self confidence, or your career. Whatever the case may be hope is never lost and it is always there waiting to be found by you.
The discovery begins with the story you tell yourself and about yourself.
Good news is: You are the author of your story. This means you hold the pen that will write your future.
There is a huge misconception about positive thinking - it's been sold almost as this idea that if all you do is think positive then life will work out perfectly.
If you think thinking positive is going to solve all your problems, then you got a problem.
Positive thinking is important and boy does it sure help brighten up a cloudy day, but relying solely on it to change what needs to be changed ain't gonna cut it.
If you were in the middle of winter, freezing cold temperatures, whiteout conditions, you wouldn't go outside in your swimsuit and chant for 60 minutes, with a smile on your face, "there's no snow, there's no snow!"
Assuming you survive the 60 minutes of Positive Thinking vs Mother Nature you may quickly realize that the only way to change your current circumstances is if you take actions to change them.
Listen. You got one shot at right now. If positively wishing things away hasn't worked yet, it's time for you to step up to the plate and start swinging for the fences.
A few ways you can do that:
#1 Ask yourself, "When you have been able to achieve success in the past, what exactly did you do?"
#3 Focus on the future vs the right now. Often we get so caught up/obsessed, with our problems, that we completely miss the potential that is existing just beyond the horizon.
#4 Journal it out. Write about what is going on, but write as if you were an observer and you are the person you are observing. What is going on from this perspective? What advice would you give to yourself as an observer?
There's a home run hitter inside of you.
Today is your day - it is time to step up to the plate.
A word that when you hear it you want what is the source of it.
We see people throughout life who have "it." The "it" they have is passion.
Whether it is in their relationship, their career, their family, or just how they interact with life; there is no mistaking a passionate person.
The big myth about passion is that it is reserved only for those who were born with it; meaning you either won the genetic lottery and have it, or you don't.
Nothing could be further from the truth for passion is not something you are born with, it is something you create. And who doesn't want to create more passion in their life?
As fate would have it, you are a born creator - born to create an emotional experience that brings you joy and fulfillment every day of your life.
Unfortunately most of us are not taught these tools in school - after all we have other, more important things to focus on like The symbolism of the green light at the end of the pier in "The Great Gatsby," (Why can't the light just be green?).
Recently I hosted a training where I shared three ways you can instantly become more passionate about life. You can watch that training below. These ways are simple strategies that anyone can do, but to do them will require you to step up to the plate of life and command more from yourself than you have before.
I hope the training was of value to you.
Let me know in the comments below.
As always if I can be of any help on your journey, you can let me know by contacting me here.
One of my goals for 2017 has been to do an ongoing daily gratitude "challenge."
I say "challenge," because the challenge is to make a daily post (on Instagram which you can follow me on by clicking here.) about something I am grateful for, but really it has been such a gift - a gift to take time every day to be consciously aware and express gratitude for the gifts that life gives.
It can also be "challenging" to focus on gratitude when "life" happens.
Our default tendency seems to be to focus on the few things that go wrong (small or big) vs all the things that are going right. The "bad stuff," of life often happens over a series of moments. Much in the same that the "good stuff," is occurring from moment to moment too.
Where we miss out in life is when we define an entire day by what happens in a series of moments.
Perhaps this is just me being naive, but I have yet to meet a human being who has experienced 24 hours (1,440 moments) and within that time there was not one moment that could be classified as "good," or one thing that could not be found to be grateful for.
Gratitude is always there, sometimes you have to look a hell of a lot harder to see it, but it will be there.
Today I am sharing my most recent gratitude post with you. The reason being because it illustrates, in my opinion, about the power of gratitude and our ability to find and focus on it in the midst of challenging times. I'll let you read on...
365 Days Of Gratitude Day 286
Today I am grateful for choice (there's a message in this one I hope you'll take to heart❤️).
I had an absolutely amazing first part of the day and a not so good last couple hours of the day, let me explain...
You've likely heard me say before that each and every day we have a choice in how we experience life. That ability to choose also empowers us to find and focus on things to be grateful for no matter what life may through at us.
Today is a perfect example: the majority of my day was amazing... it started early (about 3:45am) with some work, then I competed in the 3rd round of a public speaking competition which I won 1st place in! I'm excited and now I get the opportunity to go onto the finals and compete against some extremely talented professional speakers! (Yes in the speaking world we use terms like "compete" "tough" and "competition" lol).
Next I got to spend a couple hours wine tasting and enjoying lunch with a few special people.
At the end of the day I received word of a family emergency. The outcome does not look good. Lots of emotions came up.
How the day ended was shitty and sad, but how the day was lived and experienced before then was amazing.
If the focus is only on the shitty/sad part then I rob myself of the joy, the love, the sense of accomplishment etc... I experienced earlier in the day. I feel sadness in this moment, but I did not feel sadness for most of this day. In fact I felt the exact opposite of sadness. Enter in choice: define the day by my sadness? Or acknowledge the sadness, but also acknowledge there were a lot of great things about today.
Life will be hard, sometimes. Bad things will happen to good people, sometimes. Tragedies will occur, sometimes. Loved ones will leave us, sometimes. Life will seem unfair, sometimes.
Sometimes. Not ALL the time.
No matter what life gives you, you, and I, have a choice.
That's me for today. Now it is your turn. What are you grateful for?
I opened with a strong statement because this is not something to pussy foot around on. Failure, specifically our perception of it and the inevitable feelings that come with "THAT" perception, can really "F" things up if something is not done about it.
Failure is one of the greatest universal fears.
Whether it is failure in a relationship, failure at work, failure at money, failure with health, failure at winning the game, or/and failure in life... perhaps more than anything else, the fear of failure keeps people frozen and prevents the transformation of ordinary to extraordinary.
Speaking from personal experience, the fear of failure has been the source of more sleepless nights, more waking up with my heart racing, more self deprecating feelings, and more cold sweats than just about anything else.
If you have spent anytime wading in the failure pool you know that it is not a place you want to spend anymore time in (been there, done that, don't need the postcard). To help you out, here are five ways to fight feelings of failure.
What positive benefit about exercise have you not heard yet? It's good for virtually everything and fighting off feelings of failure is at the top of this list. Not only does it produce good feeling chemicals like endorphin's, engaging in it helps clear your mind, distracting you from the thoughts that feed feelings of failure, and at the end of it all you get a sense of accomplishment.
#2 Shift Perspective
We feed feelings of failure by focusing on a couple key things that we use as fuel for our feelings. Shift your perspective away from this to something you have done well. Or, even better, shift your perspective outside of yourself to someone or something else. This might be the perfect time to reflect on the one time you helped that friend who later came back and said that your kindness changed her life.
#3 Focus on Gratitude
You, I, and everyone else have so much to be grateful for. Everyday there are 1000's of things that have to go right just for us to stay alive. Often when we are self consuming with feeling of failure we miss all that is going right all the time around us. The roof over you head, the air in your lungs, your eyes and being able to read this (if any of those were gone, you may be willing to trade in some feelings of failure to have them back).
#4 Talk it out
If we do not express what is on our mind and heart then we will depress it. The trash can can only hold so much before it starts to overflow. Which is exactly why making it a regular habit of emptying out what's inside (the thoughts you are thinking and the feelings you are feeling) is imperative. Often just having an ear to listen or some advice from a friend, a family member, or guidance from someone like a life coach, can be just what you need to get back on track.
#5 Analyze your Successes
It has been said that success leaves clues and if you are willing to go back and examine your successes you may very well find those bread crumbs of clues that map out exactly what you need to do to replicate the success. Everyone has done something that they can call a success. What separates those who can replicate it is they become students of their success and find those key actions they took to do it again.
I encourage you to really dig in and play around with these five ways to fight feelings of failure. Doing so can radically transform your life.
Any questions, please leave them in the comments below.
Our mindset is so crucial to our quality of life. Without mastering our mindset we will forever be slaves to where the emotional wind decides to blows us on any given day.
I can remember vividly what my life was like when my mindset was holding me hostage - I would wake up every day hating myself, spending time in front of the mirror telling myself lots of awful things about myself like: "What a horrible person I am."
I walked with my head hanging low, ashamed of who I was, and my little bit of relief would sometimes be the satisfaction that I had made it through the day.
Life does not have to be that way.
If you find yourself imprisoned by your mindset this short training may be just the thing you need to fast track to mental freedom.
Any questions at all, please leave them in the comments below.
If you would like my help in moving forward visit my website and send me an email.