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Sunday, March 8, 2015

Self Love... It is Worth It.


Thanks for stopping by!

One quick update:

The One Billion Steps in March event is underway!!  I need everyone who is able and willing to record their steps to please please do so as we have a big goal to hit.  Click here for more info.

I posted the below to Facebook last week and it received a lot of really positive feedback.  Many people shared how it connected with them.  I felt it was a good idea to share it here in hopes that it may reach a few more people who find value in it.  Please let me know what you think:

 I got my Heart Broken for the very first time and was the BEST thing that ever happened to me!

I had been dating a girl for a couple of years.  Our relationship ran through cycles of being good to borderline great to so so to OMG how can this continue on?  We were each others best friends and at the same time each others worst enemies.  At times when we should have taken a deep breath and talked things out, we chose to instead nit pick, poke, fight, and tear each other down.

There were times throughout the relationship where I felt we needed to walk away, but when she would try to end it, I would fall apart and beg for her to take me back, promising that I, and we would change.

Eventually she got strong enough, or frustrated enough, (maybe both), to walk away for good.

I fell apart.

I could not sleep, I could not eat (I lost 20 pounds in less than three weeks), I cried so much my face was constantly swollen. I felt so lost... like I had lost... myself...

As much as I wanted to try and blame my pain on losing her, the real reality was was that I was lost because I didn't know who I was.  The loss of the relationship brought, like a geyser exploding to the surface, my lack of self love.  She had been filling a void that I had never taken the time, or made the effort to fill myself.  She was doing my job that I should have been doing for myself a long time ago.

One day I had an "Eureka" moment.  I knew I was at a crossroads in my life and the decision I made going forward was going to determine what kind of life I would live.

I had two clear choices in front of me:

A - I could continue down the path I was on, not deal with myself, get into another relationship to put a band aide on my pain, ignore my lack of Self Love be good for a little while, never great, and more than likely end up right back where I was a few more years down the road.

or, I could choose

B - To get real, I mean really real and resolve to do whatever the fuck I needed to do to dump my emotional baggage from the past and start filling up the holes inside of me with the self love I had been lacking and longing for.

"A" was an easy choice, I was familiar and comfortable with that one, "B" was scary as hell and I had no idea what to do or even where to begin.

Have you ever been there?  Had two choices in front of you... one of which is so tempting because it is easy and so familiar, but in your gut you already know how it will turn out.  However, your other option is scary as hell, you have no clue on what to do or how to do it, but in your gut you know that is the one you should choose.

I was terrified when I made the decision to go with choice "B."  Despite that fear I promised myself I would dive head long into it no matter what.  I hired a coach, read every book, listened to every guru, attended the seminars, all of it and more - I would not stop until I got to a place where I felt like I actually Loved me.

And you know what?

I got there - after a lot of hard work, commitment and fear facing, I got there, and now...


When my relationship ended, I fell apart, and at the time I thought that was what my life was destined to be, a life of sadness and pain.  What I realize now is that I needed to fall apart so that I could rebuild myself into who I am today.

You see we are all like Legos - when the pieces fall apart it doesn't mean they are broken, it just means there is an opportunity to create something new, something greater.

You will always be missing out on something in life if you never find your love from within.

The greatest tragedy I witness day in and day out professionally, is meeting with folks who lack self love and lack the courage to do anything about changing it.

Their lack of self love causes so much unnecessary pain in their relationships, their professional lives, and their health.

I am so sick and tired of watching good people suffer through life when they do not have to.  Change is available to us all if we are willing to change.

With that being said, because of the overwhelming response to this post, I AM going to do a small training specifically on self love.

I'll be hosting the first ever Self Love Summit and it will begin on Tuesday March 24th.  If you would like to attend, the first step is to fill out the application at this link:

Once I receive your completed application, I will get in touch with you (make sure to include your email).

I hope to welcome many of you to the Self Love Summit. :)




Please leave a comment below and let me know what you think of this blog.  I would love to hear your feedback.  What do you think of when you think of self love?  Is it important?

Sunday, February 22, 2015

My 50 Shades of Grey Experience

Hey there!

I wanted to share with you my experience watching the movie, "50 Shades of Grey," but before I get to that, I have one very important update to share with you.

One week from today is the start of the One Billion Steps in March challenge.  Please please please invite your friends and family to participate in this event.  To sign up, invite your friends, and learn all about the event, click here.

I have been hearing about the cultural phenomena "50 Shades of Grey" for 3 or 4 years now. During that time, several of my female friends have tried to get me to read the book.  Two and a half years ago I decided I would.  I was curious about what all the hype was about and what seemed to have so many women all excited.  I made it through half of the book... I just couldn't seem to get into it.

Recently I was invited to watch the "50 Shades of Grey" movie.  Again, my curiosity was perked as I had heard so many mixed things about it.  Some were calling it erotic and liberating, others called it a set back for women claiming it glorified abuse and violence towards women.

I watched the movie and thought as a movie it was nothing more than Ok.  I found it to be mildly entertaining and the chemistry between the two leads seemed forced at best.

I did not agree with the assertion that it glorified violence for women nor did I feel it was a setback, in fact I thought exactly the opposite.  I found it refreshing to see a movie where it was ok for a woman to be open with exploring her sexuality.  I also found it fascinating that both the movie and the books seemingly connected with so many women in this respect.

I consider myself to be a student of humanity, meaning I am always wanting to better learn and better understand people.  I believe that the better I understand people the more effective it will make me at helping them. :)

Culturally it seems like it has always been ok for men to be strong, confident, and sexually open.  Women, in popular culture, have not always had the same portrayal, with a few exceptions (Sharon Stone in "Basic Instinct" is one that comes to mind.)

I have been continually disappointed that we as a society seem to hold onto prevailing stereotypes between men and women when it comes to sexuality.  It's ok in movies, in books, and in life for men to be sexually open and curious, but if women are they get the label of "slut" or some other nonsense.

While I did not think 50 Shades of Grey was the best movie, what I do think it did, and I am grateful it did this, was to present a strong female who showed it was ok for women to be sexual. Not only was it ok, it was fun, it was exciting, and it was ok for it to be those things.

Have you seen the movie, what do you think?  Let me know, I am excited to hear your thoughts?

Carpe Diem,


Sunday, February 15, 2015

Love... It IS Everywhere

It seems to be as inevitable as a tummy ache is after someone eats to much sugar - when February rolls around with Valentines Day on the horizon, conversations shift to Love, it's meaning, it's abundance, the lack of it, and much more.

I love helping people and I hate that something like Love, which is available in such abundance, escapes so many.

It breaks my heart to see people go through life lacking Love.  I know it does not have to be this way, and I want to help eliminate this problem from anyone who is willing to let me help.

Recently I hosted a Youtube chat on this very important topic.  The purpose of the chat was threefold:

1- To define what love is, the different types of love, and why it is important to be aware of the different types.

2 - To explain the difference between being in love vs "just" loving someone.

and 3 - To teach you how you can bring an abundance of love into your life.

The event was very powerful and I believe really helped a lot of people form better relationships with Love.  I also believe it equipped the viewers with several effective tools that they could take home and utilize in their relationships with others and themselves.

Because Love is so desired by all, and how to acquire it is often very misunderstood, I wanted to share this video with you all in the hopes that it will assist you and those you care about in your journey's to bring more Love into your lives.

I would love to hear what you think!  Please leave me a comment below.

With Love,

Carpe Diem,


Sunday, February 8, 2015

Perspective is Key to Living the Life You Want

Hellllloooooo there! :)

I had an experience the other day and a few thoughts about it I wanted to share with you.  Before we get to that, a couple quick updates:

1 - Our next Monthly Motivation Youtube chat is scheduled for this coming Wednesday, February 11th at 4:30pm PST.  The topic will be "Love."  To join the chat, click here

2 - One Billion Steps in March is happening!  This is a global event which means everyone can, and needs to participate.  The goal is walk a combined total of 1 Billion Steps in the month of March.  Click here to learn all about the event.  Please share the event with your friends.

Ok onto today's blog:

It is no secret that I keep some strange hours.  Sometimes I go to bed early, sometimes I go to bed really late.  Sometimes I wake up early and sometimes I wake up even earlier than really early.

The other day I went to bed about 10pm and woke up at 1:30am.  I used to be that person who, when waking up at a time when I didn't "have" to be up, would lie awake in bed and stress out about not being able to go back to sleep. 

I would lay there and tell myself all that was going to go wrong if I didn't sleep.  I would remind myself over and over again how tired I would be and all that I needed to get done that would not get done if I didn't sleep.

Also this was my favorite time to start to worry and stress out about things like bills to pay, all my "problems," etc... And as icing on the cake, this was my favorite time to be critical of myself.  You know have all those positive self talks about all the things I did wrong, how I should have handled this or that situation differently, and of course how, if I could go back in time, I would say this or that differently.

Super productive time, right?

I got to a point in my life where I got fed up with this so I decided to make a new rule.

The new rule: Anytime I wake up in the middle of the night, I will allow myself 5 minutes to go back to sleep.  If I cannot fall back to sleep, then I need to do something so that I am no longer laying there thinking about not going back to sleep.

Well the other night roles around and I wake up at 1:30.  I got up and went pee then climbed back in bed.  I laid down and instantly felt like I was not going to be able to fall back to sleep.  I laughed about it and said: "Ok, five minutes, starting now."

Five minutes later... well that didn't work time to do something productive.

I didn't feel like working, what I felt like doing was exercising!  (Always trust your gut feelings) I got up, got dressed, and headed to the gym. 

At 1:55am the gym was pretty empty - who am I kidding the gym was totally empty!! haha

Over the years I have found that when I workout, I often have some of my best brainstorms.  I attribute it to my mind being so clear and focused on the workout that it frees up a lot of brain space to allow ideas to pop up.

As I settled into my workout I had some pretty profound thoughts that I wanted to share with you.

The first thought was this: What would change for me, if instead of telling myself "I can't sleep," I instead started to tell myself, "Maybe I am supposed to be awake!"


If I am supposed to be awake, "Why am I supposed to be awake and What am I supposed to learn/do?"

The first statement is so freeing... I am supposed to be awake.  That is a statement of taking your power back from a situation where it is pretty easily to feel powerless "I can't sleep."

I can't sleep sounds like you are helpless.  I am supposed to be awake sounds like you are making a proclamation of power!

If the above did not sink in, re-read it and re-read it again until it does.  If you have ever had a sleepless night, one where you have tossed, turned, and bemoaned not being able to sleep, you know exactly how those nights turn out.  Imagine if you looked at the situation from a different perspective and started using that time.

On "sleepless nights," could you find the time, the time you cannot find in your "normal" waking day, to: exercise, write the book you have wanted to write, prepare healthy food for the week, get caught up on emails, clean the house, start your new business, organize your photos, etc...  Incidentally aren't most of these things the things that you might lay awake stressing about?  Why not get them done?

Perhaps that is what Your reason for being awake is.... Your brain is trying to tell you, "Hey, You are not that sleepy right now, if you get up and do this, you will feel accomplished and You will sleep like a baby tomorrow."

It's a possibility right?

Remember the perspective you choose to live your life from will determine the life you live.  If you insist on continuing to live your life from the perspective of "I can't sleep," don't be surprised if you get more sleepless nights.  However, if you choose to live your life from the perspective of "I am supposed to be awake," do not be surprised when you start accomplishing more than you ever imagined possible.

And maybe, just maybe, you might find that this new perspective leads to nights where you are sleeping like a baby.

Give it a try, what do you have to lose?

Note: I finished my workout at 3am, came home, went to sleep for one hour, slept like a log, woke up at 4:15 to my alarm refreshed and excited for the day.

If I can do it, I know you can too!!

Enjoy the pics,

Carpe Diem,


Saturday, January 31, 2015

The Inside Scoop on Jesse Brisendine part 3

Well the time has arrived, part 3, the conclusion of Macie's guest blog about me.  Have you all enjoyed it?  I know I certainly have.  I felt all sorts of feelings when Macie and I first spoke of this idea.  I felt shy, I felt naked, I felt some trepidation, and when I read what Macie wrote, I still felt those things, but more than anything, I felt love and loved.  Not only that but reading the overwhelmingly positive response's and comments from all of you has only furthered the love I have been feeling.  This experience has been an amazing one.

Ok, I know you are eagerly awaiting the conclusion of Macie's guest blog, but before we get to that a couple quick updates:

Mark your calendars - Wednesday February 11th at 4:30pm PST will be our next Monthly Motivation Youtube chat.  The topic will be "Love."  To view the live chat, click here

We had some really significant win's this week in the Zero Limits Mastermind - One member got a new job and another went back to school and earned a scholarship to pay for her education.  What the ZLM members are doing is absolutely inspiring.  To learn more about ZLM and how you can become a member, click here.

Lastly, the 28 Day Flat Belly Challenge wraps up today.  There was an awesome group of participants.  I am excited to share with you all the final results as well as the winner who I will highlight in this weeks "Success Story" post on the 1 Year 1000 Challenge facebook page.

Ok, onto Macie:

If you haven't read parts 1 & 2 you are going to want to read them first.  Click here to read part1 and here to read part 2

Jesse is a 6'4” body builder type with bubbling muscles and clear skin; he works out pretty much every day (often twice a day) and brings his own protein powder to the gym. But he's sensitive. People can't seem to latch on to that easily either.

So who is Jesse Brisendine? Is he the man in the pictures that you see on facebook? The brooding specimen that fits emotion, humor, and humility into one, good-looking package? Sure. He's that guy. But he has also been sullen and dark and lifeless. His depression after Gabe's death, and then his dad's inspired H.E.E.A.L., which Jesse has always fully supported, and it was born from that dark period in his life when I had no idea how to pull him out of it. Jesse Brisendine is honest. He is goofy. He has been the voice of reason in my sobriety of four years, and he has been the pouting face after I miraculously beat him in mini golf. He is, and has always been, silly.

Right before Jesse lost his dad, he took a trip to Haiti with Paul. It was his first major outing after Gabe's death. It was also right around his birthday, which Jesse has always pretended not to exist, even though I know he secretly loves the compassion and meaning that gets flung at him on that day. I wrote Paul a letter that day. The day they were leaving. I thanked him for helping my friend. Not for being Paul Walker. But for being Jesse's confidant. Jesse wrote me saying they were both in the car to the airport sobbing over the letter. Yes. Boys cry.

Losing Paul seemed like the absolute impossible, and I watched Jesse become a more level-headed griever, if there is such a thing. I hate that he can even be that, but I'm also thankful that he hasn't lost hope. That's really who he is. Cautiously hopeful. He isn't fearless. He is scared, just like you and me. He's scared of love, of failure, and of hurt. He is ambitious and driven, but he is often tired and lonely. He is the healthiest man at times, but he is also my partner in crime for fabulous displays of frozen yogurt and toppings. He prides himself on how little sleep he can get by on, (but falls asleep within the first 20 minutes of movies), he works hard to better himself in every aspect, and he is my absolute favorite person to gossip with. He has faults and flaws just like anyone else, but he is the first to go about bettering himself and basking in who he is. He has an outstanding moral compass.

Sometimes I read the articles that Jesse writes and ponder a little bit. I'll even find myself saying, “ya that's kind of how he felt.” Or, “I guess it was like that.” I pick it apart. Try and find the truth that is hiding between the lines. But that's not really what's happening. He isn't hiding the truth. He is just uncovering it at his own pace. He told all of us at Gabe's funeral that we should hug each other and tell each other we love you every day. He said it's important and it was how Gabe was. I've been in serious relationships with men for probably 85% of the time I've known Jesse. Yet his hugs and “I love yous” have always been the most genuine. That is not to discount the fine suitors I have flocked to, but it is to show some perspective on the grandiose presence of Jesse Brisendine's love. Maybe it's because I thought there was a time when he would never feel positive emotion again. Maybe it's because our trust has never truly been questioned. All I know is that he spoke the truth at that funeral, and he has stuck to his word. That's a pretty bold and badass move to make. I've unfortunately been to my fair share of funerals, and I have come to see them as the place where falsified promises are made out of shock and grief, but where bad habits brood, and grudges fail to dissipate. You can call it pessimism, but I'm just saying what I'm thinking. Jesse defied these generalizations.

This man is not just the one you see online. I mean, he is that man, yes, but he's a real human. We have jumped out of planes together, belted our lungs out to “Livin' on a Prayer” on karaoke night, and played makeshift laser tag in the garage. One time I hid in his closet for 45 minutes on Friday the 13th to scare the shit out of him, and he was inches away from punching me in the face out of sheer terror. His screams were priceless. We've ridden roller coasters (he's terrified), taken road trips, and thrown parties. We have this high five that we do. Jesse is about a foot taller than me, so he always holds his hand way up high and then we both jump at the same time for righteous contact. It's pretty awesome. Although one time the contact was so intense that I ended up flashing a garage-full of people sprawled on my back. It happens.

Jesse is not perfect. We wouldn't be friends if he was. He has painfully awkward dance moves and he can stink up a room like no one I know. He wears the same 3 tank tops to work out in all the time, and after he washes the dishes he runs his gross hands all through his beard. I never understood that. Once in a while he holds things in and it can come off as passive aggressive, and every now and then he'll text the ex. But he is a flaw forgiver too. He excuses my flannel dog pajamas, calls my constant fashion expression “colorful” instead of childish, and he has yet to exploit that whole I-shit-my-pants incident. He deserves your respect and your commitment to him.

You need Jesse Brisendine. You need a place to feel safe and to explore your insecurities, vulnerabilities, and question marks. And, truthfully, I need Jesse Brisendine for very similar reasons. I laugh at people who say that boys and girls can never be “just friends.” They're right to some extent I guess. Jesse can never be just a friend. That word doesn't do our relationship justice. It's not every day a young man you barely know chases down Vegas workers to find some girl in the dead of the afternoon just because he has a bad feeling. We were destined for life-long togetherness from the start. The truth is, I'm proud of Jesse for inspiring you. I'm proud of him for having these followers, these fans, and this life that he has truly always been after. He has worked hard and earned it. You are important. You are evidence that Jesse's purpose goes beyond our little bubble here. But I will always be on the inside. I will always need just a little bit differently.

And I'll tell you a secret. Jesse needs us too.

Macie's Bio:

Macie is your average Feminist Studies and Exercise and Sports Science major from UCSB. By average, she means she's a walking contradiction. She loves all things sports and competition, and she is also a passionate philanthropist and activist. Most important, she is a nerd at heart. Macie coaches and runs character development programs from high school girls soccer players, and she continuously pursues her favorite activity - writing. Macie's various, but important passions include her non-profit organization, H.E.E.A.L. (Hope through Exercise, Energy, and Art for Life), which serves to fund other organizations who promote and provide exercise and art outlets ( They also include her podcast, Dropping the F Bomb (, which delves into modern-day feminism with a little bit of an attitude, and her blog, Lifestyle of the Torn and Triad, which follows her journey through her 3rd knee surgery in her 20s ( Macie will also be starting as a contributor for Elite Daily (

Jesse here:

Well folks, there you have it.  What did you think of Macie's guest blog?  Did you enjoy it? What are some key take aways you got out of it?  Would you like to see more blog's like this in the future?  I would love to hear what you think (and I know Macie will too) please leave a comment or three below.

Also if you found value or enjoyment in this, please share it with a friend.  Your shares help me to help more people.

I wanted to add one final comment... I do not believe in coincidences.  It was five years ago today (February 1st) that my Dad died.  Macie and I had just left a meeting at the University of California Santa Barbara (UCSB) and had gotten into our respective cars.  I saw my Mom had called and had a horrible feeling.  When I called her back and she told me what happened, I called Macie who had just driven off. 

Macie nor I planned the timing of this to work out that way.  It has been a very special gift, one that I will always treasure.

Thank You for reading, Thank You for your ongoing support, and Thank You for being You. I am grateful for You.

Enjoy the pics,

Carpe Diem,


Saturday, January 24, 2015

The Inside Scoop on Jesse Brisendine part 2

Hi there!

Last week I invited one of my best friends, Macie Berlin, to do a guest blog and share some stories about me.

If you haven't read last week's blog, aka Part one of "The Inside Scoop on Jesse Brisendine" you are going to want to read that first before you read today's.  Click here to read it.

Before I get to part 2, can I first say how much I love Macie's writing.  Over the course of our friendship I have gotten to read a lot of Macie's writings and each time I am amazed by the talent she has for it.  She has a way of capturing moments/memories and putting the emotion and feelings right back into them.

Anyways, I know you are eagerly waiting for part two, before I get to that just a quick reminder that beginning tomorrow, Monday January 26th, enrollment will open up for the Six Weeks to Your Greatest You program.  I'll only be taking 20 people for this one of a kind experience.  Claim your spot quick because this program will sell out. I will be sending an email out on Monday as well as posting it to Facebook on the 1 Year 1000 Challenge page.

Ok, onto Maice:

I take a lot of pride in how hard I can make that guy laugh. I have always thought of myself as quick-witted and humorous, but it's always a sort of self-fulfilling validation when someone else receives you the same. It also matters to me that I make Jesse laugh because I have seen him go without laughter for what has felt like eternities.

I know you know about Gabe. Or “Maverick” as I knew him based on Jesse's introduction one Super Bowl Sunday years ago. What you don't know is that Gabe's death occurred the day after my college graduation ceremony and party, both of which Jesse had attended. Or that it came 5 days before we were supposed to be getting on a plane to Texas to board a cruise ship and sail around the Caribbean. Or that Jesse and I had pondered life's meaning and direction minutes before the infamous text message in the public library. I didn't really understand Gabe's death at the time. I cried at his funeral, I questioned the note that he left, and I hurt for my friends. I didn't know what to do. So I just listened. I had nightmares every night because Jesse would describe the event in such detail to me. I had nowhere to place the images that I concocted via his descriptions, so they became figments of a scary fantasy, but I knew that Jesse needed to spill those memories somewhere. One day, shortly after everything, Jesse pulled up outside of my apartment and we just sat in his car and cried. He had a tupperware of tuna on his lap and I remember staring at it, as I held his head to my shoulder. I couldn't take my eyes off of that damn tuna. And I couldn't figure out how to save my savior.

Life did go on, but it took a really long time. The relationships that existed in our little circle of friends were strained and changed forever. Drinking had an edge to it, and the elephant in the room was life size. Jesse wasn't famous back then, but he was still well-known and well-respected. He had a lot of people who were there for him, and eventually the people who weren't were weened out and life started to take a new form of regeneration. It took a lot though. I moved in at the same time Tomas did, and the three of us lived together. I attribute some of their coping mechanisms to deal with the weight of Gabe's brutal death to having me as a “little sister” who lived with them during that time. Their pranks and teasing were a mutual ground for both of them, and we all knew what was at stake without the fun and the games. I was willing to be subjected to getting locked in my own closet and having the life scared out of me every time I came around a corner and they jumped out at me in order to give them some sort of solace. Some sort of ground to pick up the pieces that were so broken.

The other mutual ground around that time was the women who pined after my roommates. Girls – if you ever live with two straight men – brace yourself for the folly of females. I learned a lot about who I did NOT want to be by watching the women think they were involved with these men who had zero interest in them. They would invite themselves over for bbqs and explain to me their dating history with Jesse or Tomas, and they would want to be my best friend. (I was the roommate, but I was a threat in their eyes nonetheless – hence the desperation of friendship). Don't get me wrong, it wasn't a revolving circle of endless women; it was just a hilarious enjoyment for me to watch the girls expect what I knew would never come for them. Jesse has always had many admirers. He doesn't share very much about them, so I'm doing my woman-friend duties and breaking down the reality for you.

He doesn't date well. The girls are either in it for the wrong reasons or a complete snooze-fest. I'm protective and picky for Jesse, so it's not like I'm not on the hunt. But regardless. The man can use some help in this department.

I secretly applied Jesse to be on ABC's The Bachelorette one year, and then completely forgot about it until the producers called him and pushed him through to the next level. It was the most confusing day of his life, and one of the best of mine. I filled out all of the questions, shot his video, and coached him to say all of the right things to get the final slot. I was excited and the teenage girl in me flew to action. I made him brush his teeth with his shirt off like 14 times just to say “Hello ABC.” I think he went through an entire tube of toothpaste. It worked. He had a final interview in LA, and I knew he would get on.  Except that he dropped out. Know why?

The ex.

That's how I refer to her. I tolerated her for about 8 months simply because Jesse told me to, but I never liked her. And I wasn't exactly shy about my feelings toward her. Jesse would say “you guys are a lot alike and she's really driven and blah blah blah,” and I would shoot daggers at him through my disinterested green eyes – we were not alike, and I was insulted to hear such a claim. She was using him, and I wanted her GONE. She stayed at the house without permission, her humor was acceptable once every 16 dirty jokes or so, and she was completely lost and dependent on my friend. She didn't want to date Jesse, she wanted to BE Jesse. But instead she tore him down. She told him all the things he wasn't good at and could never be. She misread his sensitivity for weakness, and she was always on to the next best thing. Girlfriends must be accepted by the girl friend. It's the cardinal rule of co-ed friendship. She failed miserably.

She broke up with him and then threw her fishing rod out to lure him back in once in a while when she felt low about herself, which I imagined to be often. Unfortunately for ABC, this kept Jesse from being a shoo-in on The Bachelorette. Sorry America, I tried.

Sometimes I wonder if many of his followers are intrigued by Jesse because of his good looks and then somehow end up falling for him. It's totally in your right. I always worry that you won't really understand Jesse. You won't see him beyond his online presence. And that scares me. Regardless, if you think you're the bee's knees and made for Jesse Brisendine, I would truly love to talk to you.

Admittedly, I don't have a perfect dating record either. Jesse has helped scoop me off of the floor after cheater and liar have crushed my open heart, and he has been the bearer of bad news when he has sensed or seen a major red flag in the men of my liking. When I lived with Jesse and Tomas, they would salivate at the idea of a boy coming over. When we would go out together, if I was talking to a guy, they would come over, shake his hand, fart, and then walk away, leaving us with the literal stench and discomfort. But Jesse has also been my biggest pusher toward love. He has made an effort to meet the men I've loved, to listen to my ups and downs, and to weigh in from a male perspective. Between the two of our dating lives, we have come to simply call it “girl talk.” I wrote a book a few years ago and then decided I didn't want to publish it. It depicts my entire (relatively short) life in the scheme of men who have affected it in various degrees. It became more of a cathartic process for me, but I shared it with Jesse nonetheless and he has continually supported my writing habit. That's another thing about him – he is passionate about my passions.

Did I mention one of those passions is feminism? I won't go through the name-calling that Jesse teased me with when I first told him I was a feminist, but I knew it was out of love. And let's be honest, everyone has an eye roll and label to press when it comes to feminism. I studied it in college, went on my first protest when I was 20, and continuously dabble and dive in the ever-present issues that are dripping in feminism. Jesse never identifies me as just that, but he is always up for a good discussion about assholes and opinions. We share the commonality of defying connotative stigmas attached to many of our characteristics. I am young, blonde, and light-eyed; I wear high heels and get dressed up at times; I cuss and cry and watch really, really bad tv. But I'm a feminist. People can't seem to get that. Jesse is a 6'4” body builder type with bubbling muscles and clear skin; he works out pretty much every day (often twice a day) and brings his own protein powder to the gym. But he's sensitive. People can't seem to latch on to that easily either.

So who is Jesse Brisendine? Is he... to be concluded next week.

Next week's blog: Jesse's weird habits, Haiti, more grief, and who he is today

Macie's Bio:

Macie is your average Feminist Studies and Exercise and Sports Science major from UCSB. By average, she means she's a walking contradiction. She loves all things sports and competition, and she is also a passionate philanthropist and activist. Most important, she is a nerd at heart. Macie coaches and runs character development programs from high school girls soccer players, and she continuously pursues her favorite activity - writing. Macie's various, but important passions include her non-profit organization, H.E.E.A.L. (Hope through Exercise, Energy, and Art for Life), which serves to fund other organizations who promote and provide exercise and art outlets ( They also include her podcast, Dropping the F Bomb (, which delves into modern-day feminism with a little bit of an attitude, and her blog, Lifestyle of the Torn and Triad, which follows her journey through her 3rd knee surgery in her 20s ( Macie will also be starting as a contributor for Elite Daily (

Jesse Here:

There is something both scary and freeing about having someone so close to you write about you. I don't think I would let anyone do this other than Macie.  I trust her and I am thankful for that trust as allowing her to do this has been a trip down memory lane for me.  It has allowed me to relive some amazing memories and process experiences in the past from the present perspective.  I hope you all are enjoying Macie's stories as much as I am.

I have attached a few more photos of Macie and I.

Enjoy the photos,

Carpe Diem,