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Monday, July 11, 2011

6/28 - 7/11 Days ... 179 - 192

As I type his I find myself sitting on the floor in LAX waiting to see if I can get an earlier flight home.  I look past my computer to see my toes still painted.  I just logged into facebook and saw the now famous "Scuba Mustache Picture" (see below) has become a promo for my friends scuba instructor business.  I still cannot stop laughing at that picture.  I am wearing a stretched out white tank top and checkered red and white board shorts - no underwear today as today I have elected to go commando for the 1000 Challenge.  My outfit really brings out my painted toes which have caused more than an eyebrow or two to raise in the cultural melting pots that airports are.  I look like a vagabond... I can't remember when the last time I shaved was and I know that the last time I got a haircut has been even longer.  I travel with a small backpack, my lap top, my man purse (that holds my camera) and an additional "big lens" camera that my client let me borrow for capturing the space shuttle launch (pics to be uploaded later tonight).  My poor clients tonight, what will they think of me?  Never mind the body odor that is emanating off of me; a result of a blend of humidity sweat and airplane sweat - a very potent combo.  In addition my stomach is upset from inconsistent eating that sometimes comes with travel which has left me more gaseous than normal, hence the reason I am sitting in corner by myself, far away from everyone else in the terminal!  I try to be considerate of others.  :)  Ohhhhh life ... I really would not have it any other way.

I used to spend so much time worrying about what other people think.  I have to admit it feels really good sitting here right now in crowded airport being able to laugh at myself.  I really look like, well, I don't know what I really look like, but it is something ridiculous, but I love I can laugh at it!  It is an amazingly liberating feeling.   You all remember at the beginning of the year how stressed out I was over my facial hair and worrying about what everyone would think of me.  It is nice to report having made it past the halfway point of the 1000 Challenge I do not let that occupy as much of my time as I once did.  I definitely am still in my head, but am no longer sweating the small stuff as much as I once did!  SELF HIGH FIVE!! :)

They just announced the flight I am trying to get on is oversold!  NOOOOO!!!  And they are offering $500 in travel vouchers for people to give up their seats and go on the next flight, the one I am currently booked on.  Man... it is funny how quickly opportunity changes your thought process.  I was just on the phone with a friend talking about how I hope I can make this flight because I do not want to wait around LA for another two hours.  Now, I am wishing I had a seat on this flight because I would happily give it up for $500 in travel vouchers since I would ONLY have to wait another two hours.  Just like that... I went from feeling like I was stuck in purgatory to wishing for the opportunity to stay here for two more hours if I could have the travel voucher.  I could go virtually anywhere with that.  I still have the same two hours in front of me.  How's that for a change in perspective?  Thank you American Airlines for that important life lesson!!! Is there anyway I could have maybe a $200 travel voucher for being a good student?  NO?! Shoot, well I can hope right??!

I've been a little more quiet than normal the last few weeks, I have been doing a lot of reflection.  With the official halfway point of the year having come and gone I wanted to spend some time looking at myself.  How has the 1000 Challenge changed me?  Has it changed me for the better?  I have made some amazing new friends, but also said goodbye to some old ones, was it worth it?  I have changed the way I live my life, would I change it back?  Do I laugh more, smile less, has my health suffered, has my self awareness expanded?  All questions I have spent a lot of time on.  And then the mother of all questions... who am I?  Who is Jesse Brisendine? 

Having hung up from another phone call and discussing another friend's life choices and changes she wants to make in her life I was reminded of some important points for my life and the answers to many of the above questions.  My life is different, but I would not want it any other way.  I feel like I am living it the way I have always wanted to.  I work more than I ever have, but I also play more than I ever have.  I am learning about myself everyday and learning to be less harsh on myself which is a HUGE one for me!  I have said goodbye to some friends, does not mean I love them any less, it just means our life paths are a little different at this time.  That does not mean they will not one day intersect again in the future, but for now I must live for me and they must live for them.  The friends who are a constant presence in my life I feel like I have grown much closer to and have found myself having richer, more fulfilling conversations and experiences with them than I ever have before.  It is awesome and I am so excited to see how we all will grow as life continues to move forward. 

As for who I am...  well as I type this to you on the 192nd day of the year...

I went and saw the final Space Shuttle launch this weekend.  It was truly one of the most amazing experiences of my life.  I will never forget it.  I had goosebumps for over an hour and tears in my eyes as it blasted off for the final time.  I knew I was witnessing something very special and I had an enormous sense of national pride seeing all the flags waving and the people, over 1 million from what I have been told, who traveled from all parts to share in the experience as I did.  This may be my favorite challenge of the 1000 Challenge's as of this writing.  Why?  The shuttle launch represents so much of how I feel at this time in my life.

I watched the shuttle blast off into the world un-explored that's what I feel like I am doing, every day breaking out of my comfort zone and heading out into a world I have always wanted to explore. 

I watched the shuttle blast off of how fearless those inside must be... willing to travel the path less traveled.  I can relate; I feel more brave, more fearless traveling the road I have chosen and making the decisions I do. 

I watched the shuttle blast off and thought of the confidence those inside must possess in themselves, in one another in the people who built the shuttle and I could relate.  While I have my moments, I find myself and my confidence growing daily not only in myself, but in the choices I am making in life.  I am learning to  
 trust myself more listen to my brain chatter less and follow my intuition as a north start.

I watched the shuttle blast off and thought of the ingenuity and imagination that it must take to create the shuttle and send people to outer space.  Again, I could relate. I find myself daily not only day dreaming about the future and ideas, but putting pen to paper and creating new and exciting things for myself.  After trash day I saw what the 1000 Challenge Community could do as a collective, now I am excited to imagine up other endeavors that we can all be a part of.

I watched the shuttle blast off and thought of how much power it must take to propel it into space.  I could relate, I feel an inner sense of power that I have never felt before.  Power that I really am in charge of my life, that for the first time I am fully acting as the captain of my ship.

I used to be so timid and indecisive never going after all that I wanted.  I put off career advancements out of fear and lack of self confidence, I put travel plans on hold because I waited on promises of others who said they wanted to go too that never came through.  I held myself back so as not to hurt the feelings of others.  I don't regret any of it as I have learned a tremendous amount. 

The most valuable lesson of it all is life is going to keep moving forward, whether I want to move with it is ultimately up to me.  As much as I would love to stop time and have it wait until I am ready - this game of life is not played that way.  I have the same 24 hour seven day a week clock as I have always had.  The only difference is now I find myself squeezing more juice out of the clock than I ever have at any point in my life.

Rather than wait, I took action - I saw an opportunity to be a part of history and I went for it.  I bought the ticket with my credit card.  I have a lifetime to pay off the ticket, I only had one moment to witness the final shuttle launch.

I wanted to share the above with all of you because I feel you have all watched me travel through life this year. This blog is my celebration blog, I am halfway through the year and I have transformed my life in a way I have always wanted.  It renews a deep seeded belief that I have shared with all of you before and I will share with you again and again.  Your life, my life, it is only what we chose to make of it.

Enjoy the pics,

Carpe Diem,

Jesse








1 comment:

  1. Wonderful blog, yet again.

    "I put travel plans on hold because I waited on promises of others who said they wanted to go too that never came through. I held myself back so as not to hurt the feelings of others." - hmmm this sounds rather familiar. I, like you, am no longer waiting on other. Thanks for your words of experience.

    ReplyDelete