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Thursday, August 16, 2012

When Protecting is Really Hindering

Hellllooooo everyone! 

I hope this blog finds you in the midst of an exciting, action packed week! :)

A few announcements:

1st, it is FINALLY time for a Ustream chat.  It has been a long time coming and I have definitely been slacking.  I will post the exact time later today, but it will be sometime on Sunday. Plan on Sunday evening Europe time, Sunday morning PST time.

2nd, I am offering a promotion for the Exercise Accountability Group.  If you are a current member and refer two or more people to the group, you and each of those two people will get a month's membership free.  For more info about the Exercise Accountability Group, click here:

3rd, Once you finish reading this, you have to promise me that you will smile and then smile at someone else. :)  Deal?  Ok cool, now that the formalities are done on to the blog...

Funny how life works.  I had typed about two paragraphs for this blog and then deleted them because they were garbage!  They really were! :)  I started talking to a friend of mine and the topic of protecting came up.  As we talked more and more I decided that it presented the perfect blog topic. :)

I don't know about you, but I have a history of trying to protect people.  Ive skipped being straight forward and up front time and time again because I do not want to "hurt someone's feelings."  Of course what inevitably happens is that the person's feelings are hurt more because you would not be straight up with them.

Why do we do this?  Why is it that humans feel the need to try and protect one another?  Is it a survival instinct and an instinct to be strong?   Or is it the exact opposite, is it a weakness, a fear that we have, one that leaves us to scared, or not strong enough from the start?

I personally believe it is a weakness that we try to disguise as a strength.  I do not know one person that would prefer to have a conversation, or live a life full of smoke and mirrors.  Protecting someone is like pulling a band aide off slowly, it takes longer and hurts more.  Versus just pulling it off quick, feeling the pain, the moving past it.

I hear parents talking about this all the time, about wanting to protect their kids from the cold cruel world.  But by protecting them, are you really helping them to learn and grow?  Is it not better to learn to fall down at an early age so that you can also learn how to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and carry on?  What if you are guarded so much as a child that you never fall?  What happens when you will inevitably fall as an adult?  Will you be able to get back up?  Will you even know how?

At the end of the day I think it is undeniable that the desire to protect is engrained into our DNA.  However, what is also engrained into us is free will and when it comes to protecting, it is wise to exercise your free will first. 

Stop and ask yourself, "are my actions really in the best interest of this person?  If  I do this, or approach the situation this way, will this person still be able to learn and grow?'

Be honest with yourself first before you decide on what is best for someone else.

Enjoy the pics,

Carpe Diem,



  1. True words Jesse, if I had been the protective dad all the time my daughter lived at home, she'd never have learned how to cope with life's obsticles herself! Falling, getting up and moving on is what she learned early, and I'm a happy and proud dad because of it!

  2. Great advice. I am a straight shooter and usually say more than I should. I share everything with my children while a friend shelters hers. I often wonder if I am parenting correctly because my friend parents so differently. But recently my kids have learned it is okay to cry when you find out someone you love is dying. And to my complete surprise my oldest understood everything I said and wanted to know how long this loved one would be with us until she lives with God. On the most difficult day that I have had in a long time, it was my child who helped me through it, because I didn't hide what was going on from her.

  3. As a parent, I found myself being extremely overprotective because my kids were born premature. The doctors considered them extremely "high risk" because of how premature they were. This overwhelmed me without a doubt. So, instead of having them in a so called "plastic bubble" environment where they would be sheltered, I knew I was not going live my life being overly cautious and living in a constant state of fear. Therefore, I took some risks. I exposed them to the necessary but crucial steps for early development and a strong foundation; they fell down many times and got back up, they got bullied, walked away and then told someone, they got hit, didnt hit back but walked away, they learned to own up when they were at fault, they learned to be responsible for their actions, etc. I strongly felt it was necessary to set up a strong foundation in order for them to survive and thrive in this world as its not always full of roses.

    I truly believe that its in the best interest of both parties to be honest, straightforward and upfront in relationships. It makes a relationship much more meaningful, stronger and treasured. There are ways of being honest without being blunt and harsh.

    If what I have to say is taken the wrong way, I will go through the steps to ensure that that person realizes my true intentions. If that person does not like my feedback then I'm not going to waste my time trying to butter up that person up in order to win their approval every single time. It doesn't work that way for me because I have to set limits for myself. I only have so much energy that I can put into relationships. I don't want to exhaust all my efforts because that is not they way it should be. Its unhealthy and I don't chase after relationships. Don't get me wrong, sometimes I have put in way beyond my fair share only to have it backfire many times. As a result, I had to put an end to "being too nice."

    Thank you for writing about this topic. I really appreciate "everything" about you. You are amazing! Hey...maybe you should run for president some day...just saying! :)

    Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

  4. Wow, thanks for sharing your comments. I learned so much reading them. It is amazing how insightful children can be. :)

  5. To be honest always is really key, but as said before, you can be careful about how you say something to ensure that your message will be received the way you mean it. Actually I'm always honest with the ones I love and hope they do the same with me. All others, well, honestly I sometimes act differently, but maybe I shouldn't?!?
    Definately something to think about!

  6. ps: not same Anonymous as the 1st writer!

  7. I have a daughter with Down Syndrome and we always have an overt need to overprotect her from everything. Your words are not unnoticed. Thank you Jesse!! And to everyone that contributes, a thank you as well!