Follow by Email

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Change... 11/16 - 11/23 Days 320 - 327

I don't even know where to begin... the holidays are here and the year is rapidly winding down, where has the time gone?!?!  I know I have started so many of the blogs with a sentence on time as of late, but I mean it more on this one.  It has really been setting in as of late that the year will be over before we know it.  With the end of the year will come the end of the 1000 Challenge, I have been thinking a lot about what's next, but before I get to that, a few quick updates:

Sunrise/Sunset Challenge, even as I am writing this sunrises are coming in from all over the world: Africa, Asia, and USA all just contributed pictures.  Keep asking your friends and your friends, friends, we have 40 days to fill up as much of the globe as possible.  For an updated list, click here: Sunrise/Sunset Challenge

I know I had mentioned awhile back about doing a meetup for my birthday, but as of right now I am going to put that plan on hold.  I have some ongoing medical issues that need to be resolved.  I am going to take the time as soon as the 1000 Challenge is over to do so.  I hope to reschedule this sometime in the very near future.

I am trying to think of something cool/significant/meaningful to do as my 1000th Challenge.  I have a couple ideas, but would love to hear suggestions from all of you.  Please pass them on.

What's next for me????

I cannot say it enough how much the 1000 Challenge has changed my life.  It has taught how I want to live my life for the rest of my life, as well as proven many theories and beliefs I have held really are true and really do work when applied!  :)

The last two or three weeks I have been on an emotional roller coaster  of sorts.  I can feel something changing inside of me, and I know it is a good change, but as you all know, change, at times, can be a little challenging.  Let me try to explain...

I have always had my "opinions," but I have never done much with them aside from sharing them with friends and complaining about things that bothered me.  Lately instead of just complaining I am doing more and more about it.  I have called the police once or twice in the last month on truants.  On Veteran's Day, I was so upset about the poor turnout of people to support the Veteran's at the parade in their honor that I first started crying, then I got upset.  I raced home and wrote this letter: Jesse's Veteran's Day Letter which I sent out to the local newspapers.  The link takes you to the paper that printed it in the opinion section.

I could not believe how fired up I was over the parade.  And it does not just stop at the parade, there are countless other situations as well where I have been noticing differences in myself....

Going Out... in the summer 2008 my friend and I were known as "those guys" in one of the bars here in Santa Barbara.  We were out nearly every night, we were always drinking, we loved having a good time.  Everyone knew who we were, it was an amazingly fun time in my life.

I have always enjoyed going out and I definitely enjoy a good party.  Lately though I have been becoming more of a recluse from the public scene, especially those that involve drinking and socializing in more "scene places".  Why, I have zero clue.  I do have a theory though.

I have been working on making more time to spend with friends and when I do have that time I no longer want to spend it in crowded social places.  It distracts from the intimacy and bonding that I really desire to share with my friend. What I once craved as a social backdrop because of what it provided me: fun, alcohol, girls, popularity... I now find myself shunning.
There have even been a few times were I was having minor anxiety at the idea of even going to these places.  Where that comes from, I have no idea...

Las Vegas was a place I grew up dreaming about going to.  I loved gambling and wanted to see the city and the lights.  When I was finally old enough to go and really partake in what the city is known for, it quickly became one of my favorite places to go as it provided me with more of the above, but in extremes - alcohol, parties, girls, girls, and more girls.  I have been to Las Vegas three times this year.  Twice was as a stop over to cut down the drive on the way home from races in Sedona Arizona, and St. George Utah.  Each time I have noticed myself enjoying it a little less.  I was curious to see how I would feel about it spending an entire weekend there like I did this last weekend.

I felt a sense of bitter sweetness in Las Vegas.  The lure of nightclubs no longer dazzled me like it once did.  Instead, as we hopped from club to club on our party bus, I became almost resentful as the clubs were robbing me, I felt, of what I was really craving most, which was just the time with my friends.

I enjoyed being on Fremont street the second night much more as we were able to walk and talk and really hang out.  I can't really describe it.  One of my friends said jokingly, "Maybe your just growing up?"  But it is not that, it is something more.  I am growing, but in a different way, something inside of me is changing.

When I was in New York one of my friends asked me about going out saying, "Why don't you want to go out as much anymore?  You used to want to go out all the time."

To which I replied, "I have gone out.  I know exactly where in life going out gets me, and that's not where I want to be.  I have had a ton of fun with it, but right now it is not my focus."

HAHAHA I have to laugh, as I was typing that last sentence I think I just answered all my questions and ramblings from above.  There is something inside me that is shifting.  I am re-prioritizing whats important.  I feel like my leadership skills are strengthening and that I am in this huge state of evolving for what's next in life.  And, I THINK, that the reason for feeling so different with Las Vegas and the other stuff is that there is a part of me that is fearful of it.  Fearful that if I fall back into my old behavior that I will hold myself back from progressing and moving forward on the path I am on!!!!!

Imagine that!  I spend so much time talking about the importance of facing fears and a new fear has crept up inside of me!  Those pesky fears sure can be sneaky!!

How funny  is that... even though I know I will not as I have gone out numerous times this year and I still enjoy grabbing beers with friends.  Even with that knowing, fear can still pop up and affect me in such a way, hmmm, this has been an insightful blog for me.  :)

Having conversations like this with ourselves are crucial... the most important people that we can be honest with is ourselves.

Enjoy the pics,

Carpe Diem,

Jesse









1 comment:

  1. Very nice Jesse! Love the evolution of your life, revolution? revelation? Whatever it is, it is for the best for you and I am happy for you. Keep reaching, keep bringing the best out in yourself! Peace to you on this Thanksgiving Day!

    ReplyDelete