Follow by Email

Monday, September 23, 2013

Why do We Cause Pain?

Hellllloooo Everyone!

A few quick updates/reminders before I get to the blog

1 - Remember, next Tuesday, October 1st, is the start of the "Life is Beautiful" Challenge.  I am really excited to see the photos you all share.  Please click here for more information.  Remember this is a global event so you can participate wherever you are in the world.

2 - Thank you everyone who has taken the time to "like," "subscribe," provide me with feedback, and forward on my Youtube videos.  It means a lot to me when you all do that.  Thank You! :)

Ok Blog time...

This morning at about 5:25am I was in the kitchen doing a little cooking when I heard a horrible shriek.    I went outside to try to figure out what was going on and then I heard it again followed by the unmistakeable barking noises of coyotes.

Since the noise sounded like it was coming from a residential area below me, I can only assume that someone's cat or dog was turned into breakfast for a group of hungry coyotes.

I felt so bad for the poor animal that was killed.  I thought to myself its' last moments must have been so frightening and so painful.  I thought about the owners and how they will feel when they wake up in the morning and realize that the family cat or dog cannot be found.

I kept thinking about the pain the animal must have felt and the pain the family will no doubt feel when they figure out what happened.

I wanted to be mad at the coyotes.  Even though I can understand why they made the kill, to eat, to survive, I kept thinking: "What if I had a cat or a dog and they had killed mine, how would I feel?"

I kept thinking about pain and then I started thinking about us, people, humans... I started thinking about why we cause pain, specifically to each other.  Why do we hurt each other with our words?  Why do we harm one another with our actions?  Why is there war?  Why is there anger?  Why do we say we will do one thing and then do another?  Why????

Here we are, human beings, supposedly the most highly evolved species on the planet, yet we do more to cause pain, in many more ways than the coyotes do, why?

Then it hit me - we are just like the coyotes, we cause pain to survive.

Think about it; there is no other logical explanation for why we do what we do other than our survival.

When we gossip, or talk badly about someone behind their back what do we get out of it?  We get the satisfaction of knowing in that moment that we:

  1. Belong to a group
  2. Are Right and if we are right that means we are ok and if we are ok that means we do not need to change.
  3. Share a common opinion/thought/feeling with others
  4. As gossipers aka members of a group we have superiority over the one we are gossiping about
  5. Are protected from ever having to examine the inadequacy/insecurity we feel inside of ourself that leads us to gossip about the other person.
  6. Gossip about that person to protect these inadequacies/insecurities because that person threatens them in some way shape or form.
  7. If 1 - 5 are true then we can safely say that we gossip to survive.
  8. Will inevitably need to gossip again as we will only feel good as long as the buzz of the most recent gossip session lasts.
Think about war and the reasons people fight:
  1. To ensure the protection and survival of their people
  2. To ensure the protection and survival of their way of life
  3. To ensure the protection and survival of their views/beliefs
  4. To ensure the protection and survival of their economic interests
  5. To ensure the protection and survival of their power
  6. To ensure the protection and survival of their status
Are you seeing a pattern yet?

It all comes down to survival.  Whether we are trying to ensure the survival of our thoughts, our ideas, our insecurities or our shortcomings, we cause pain to others because we want these parts of ourself to survive.  We are to afraid to deal with our own "stuff" so we would rather deal with someone else's so that our way of life can continue on.

Make sense?

Here's the thing, are we really truly happy living this way, living to survive?  Could there be another way?

This past weekend I had a client in town for a Zero Limits Boot Camp.  We, ironically enough, spent quite a bit of time on this very subject: Survival vs the Alternative.  What is the alternative to surviving?


Yes the alternative to surviving is thriving.  What is thriving you might ask?  My answer: look at a little kid - that is thriving.

We were all born to thrive.  One could argue that we need basic necessities to ensure our survival: food, water, shelter, love, etc...   I wound counter that argument by saying these basic necessities are really meant to be the source of our fuel that enables us to thrive.

What does a thriving life look like?  Gossip does not exist in a thriving life.  We have no need to talk badly or make fun of others because we are so happy with ourselves that we no longer need to compare ourselves with others.

In a thriving life we honor our word.  We do what we say we are going to do when we are going to do it.  

In a thriving life we "Secure our oxygen mask first before we secure another's."  

In a thriving life, when we do help someone, we help them for the simple joy of helping, and not because we need to do it to feel better about ourselves.

In a thriving life we do not need to hurt one another: physically, mentally, emotionally, or spiritually.  In a thriving life we fully accept, embrace, and love ourselves as well as others.

In a thriving life we do not cause each other pain.

Do you see the difference?  Which life are you currently living?  Which way do you want to live?  How much more amazing can Your life become if You choose to make the shift from surviving to thriving?  

I would love to hear your thoughts, please take a moment to share them below.  

Lastly, if You are ready to make some changes and shift from a surviving life to a thriving life, I would love to have the opportunity to help You on Your journey.  If this is You and You are ready to start thriving, please click here to contact me.

I wish You a thriving life. :)

Carpe Diem,



  1. Jesse,

    I love reading these types of blogs from you! :)

  2. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  3. Someone shared this just a little bit ago. I love this blog. You should revisit this for sure. :)