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Sunday, March 19, 2017

From Silent to a Voice

Some things you may not know about me:

I grew up feeling shy, insecure, and ashamed.

My family did not have a lot and there was a constant emphasis on what we did not have.

I felt a tremendous amount of guilt - felt responsible for my parents financial situation.

At around eight years old I wanted to kill myself - tried to push a knife through my heart.  

I thought if I was gone then my parent's would not struggle financially (they would not have to spend money on me anymore) and if they didn't have to struggle financially then they could be happy.

I felt ashamed I could not follow thorough with it and carried that burden and responsibility for a long time.

Throughout most of my teenage years my morning routine consisted of:

Spending time in front of the mirror telling myself how worthless I was, how ugly I was, how I was a mistake, how no girl would ever want to date me, how I must be God's punishment to my parents.

The irony of this is in my quiet moments of listening there was a faint voice that said I was meant for more.

I have always wanted to help people - ever since I was around 9 to 10 years old I knew that was what I was put on the earth to do.

Problem: I was not going to help anyone the way I felt about myself.  

I said I was shy and insecure. 

Insecure because I was so uncomfortable in my own skin.  When I started high school I broke out in hives the first week - was so afraid that people would find out what a horrible person I was and I would end up in the trash can.

Insecure because I thought so lowly of myself that I thought there was no way anyone could think any higher of me.

Shy - I could not make eye contact without going pink in the face.  I could not talk to a stranger, especially a female without turning purple and breaking out in a full on sweat.

There was still that faint voice that said I was meant for more.

I tried listening to the voice, but would always derail myself - limiting beliefs and negative self talk will do that and I was a master of both.

I won't go into the full story of transformation here, I have written on that before and that is not the intent of this blog.

What is the intent is to talk about that faint voice and how it lead me to writing this to you today.

It would whisper that I had a message to share, but the problem was I could barely speak up to a stranger let alone a crowded room.

As I began to make changes in my life the voice became louder.

As I began to follow the steps laid out by various mentors and coaches, the voice became louder.

As I began to believe in myself, the voice became louder. 

As I began to help people make positive changes in their lives, the voice became louder.

As I began to realize and live my mission, my purpose, the voice became louder.

I no longer feared that voice, I wanted to embrace it, I wanted to embody it, I wanted to use it to help more people and to be able to reach across time zones, oceans, and boarders.

I knew I needed to start speaking, presenting, get on stage and in front of a camera to facilitate trainings, workshops, and events.

My focus shifted to doing that.  Tapped into resources like Toastmasters.  Began listening to speakers/presenters when driving, when working out, when brushing my teeth etc...

Started speaking in front of the camera.  Have put myself out there continuously - 100's of videos have been published.  It took 1000's of attempts to get those 100's.

One of my personal speaking goals is to one day attend the Toastmasters International Convention as a competitor. Yesterday, (Saturday) I took a step towards that goal winning round two of the competition for my area. (See picture below).

I share the above as I hope it inspires you.

Inspires you to see that my story is likely not that different than yours.

I grew up in a small town from humble beginnings.

I walked through most of the early part of my life with my head hanging down, ashamed of who I was.

I walk tall today not because of my height, but because I know how it feels to make transformational changes in ones' life.

If you are in a space in your life to receive inspiration about what could be possible for you, I hope you receive this blog as that inspiration.

I am where I am today not because of what happened in the past, I am where I am today because I made decisions about the future I wanted and began to work towards building that future.

If I could do it, I promise you that you can too.

Need a little help getting started on your journey, it would be my honor to do so.  Click this link to get the process started.

Any questions, leave them in the comments below.

Carpe Diem,

Jesse








1 comment:

  1. Jesse your stories are always so inspiring.. I myself was very insecure and shy, I thought I was stupid and ugly. I would take zero's on oral reports because the thought of standing up in front of a room full of people beyond scared me. I didn't have many friends and was bullied for the way I looked. In high school I started dating a boy who was not all that nice to me but I felt I didn't deserve any better. I had a few really nice boys ask me out but I was afraid if I got too close they would see all my imperfections and leave me. I didn't love my self...I struggled in school because I couldn't focus. I found out a few years ago, because a series of events that happened , That I have ADD. In girls it usually goes undetected because we don't have the hyperactivity. When I look back on my life it all makes sense now. The struggles the heart ache the loneliness. I wish I could go back in time knowing now why I struggled so much but I can't so moving forward I look at my struggles as learning experiences. I take each experience and find the good that has come out of them. I have amazing friends, I have amazing kids, I have an amazing job as a Registered Nurse and I am in the beginning stages of running my own business. I am so blessed for the life I have been given. Most of all I believe in me. I am beautiful and successful because I am a good person and I deserve it. Thank you Jesse, you are amazing just the way you are.

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