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Saturday, April 2, 2011

Tues, Wed, Thurs, and Fri... Day's 89, 90, 91, & 92

Well I made it back home for a few days and have been greeted with some amazing weather!  I made it back just in time for the sunset on Thursday.  As I was standing out on the side of the road, down at the beach, luggage in hand, still wearing my pajamas from the airplane, a lady comes over to me asking if I had seen the sunset the night before.  "No, but I heard it was amazing," I replied.  I had heard it was amazing and if amazing sunsets are to be seen I do not want to miss them.  That 15 word exchange between the two of us lead to a 30 minute conversation as we stood and watched the sunset, cameras in hand - it was pretty cool.

So when I was in London, I tried out a duvet for the first time.  At least that's what i thought those separate looking toilet things were called.  You know the things that you can use after you "GO" in place of or in addition to toilet paper.  I was later corrected by my friend after I explained my ordeal with it that it is not called a duvet, a duvet is some sort of additional blanket you put on your bed?, but rather it is called a bidet.  In case you are not sure what I am talking about, I have included a picture at the end, and, just because it is so funny as it is so literal and straight to the point... here is the definition of what a Bidet is: "A bidet is a low-mounted plumbing fixture or type of sink intended for washing the genitalia, inner buttocks, and anus."

Hopefully we are now on the same page.  Part of the 1000 Challenge is to try new things and experiences out, to get as authentic as possible feel of the culture, to put myself in awkward and uncomfortable positions in hopes of learning and growing from it.

Before I set out to explore London, there is a rumble in the jungle, aka I have to "drop the kids off," aka I have to go "#2," aka I have to poop, crap, Sh**, you get the idea.  The opportunity presents itself, time to Carpe Diem, time to seize the day and finally try out the Duvet, I mean the Bidet.  I mean if it is there it must be good for something right?

As I am doing my "business" on the toilet I am analyzing this bidet thing trying to figure out how the hell it works.  The faucet of it does not seem to angle up, and if I sit on it, I assume that my big butt will block out any sort of chance of it cleaning where it is supposed to be cleaning, which leads me to the conclusion that I must fill it up with water first and then place my rear in the water for a soak?  Hmmm, ok, seems kind of peculiar and time consuming that it would take that long to use this device, but seems logical so I'll give it a go.

As I am finishing up on the toilet, the bidet is filling up with hot water (I don't want to be cold), I try to sit down on it, the water line is still to low, which leaves me standing there, pants down around my ankles, waiting for this thing to fill up so i can "clean" myself.

Finally, the proper water level, my butt was long past being "ready" for a good cleaning.

I line myself up over the bidet and begin to sit down, suddenly realizing that my ass is to wide to fit on this thing... "shit," I exclaim (pun intended).  I have to adjust.  I decide a new approach of (and I apologize for the graphic-ness of this, it is necessary for the story... you all are REALLY getting to know me now), spreading my butt cheeks to allow the appropriate areas access to the water.  Success!

I am finally nestled in the bidet, hot water surrounds my nether regions, I am feeling a sense of accomplishment when suddenly, I lean to far forward causing part of my "man parts," the parts that dangle to make contact with the hot water.... YEEOWWWW!!  Oh man does that hurt, but not nearly as bad as what's to come.

Reflexively from the shock of having my "downstairs" area being burnt, I forcefully sit upright and back, butt cheeks still spread, and then it happens.  I push my exposed "targeted area for cleaning" right up against the bidet faucet, a metal faucet that has been pouring out hot water for several minutes... an extremely hot metal faucet that burns the heck out of my you know what.  I must of yelled out every single swear word in the book.  Not only that, but the shock of this one sends me off the bidet up to a standing postion - my "cleaning" water goes everywhere.  Not thinking, on impulse I pull my pants up, wanting to protect my violated and burned butt.  Guess, what... it was soaking wet sooo when I did that all the water that was on my butt is now in my pants.  So here I am, standing, in pain, water all over the floor, soaking wet pants, burned, but cleaned, butt.  What a site to see.

I immediately run over to tell my friend/client the odyssey I just went though.  This leads to a 10 minute discussion on the physics of the bidet, the "ideal" angle for proper cleaning, and both of us being doubled over laughing.  To funny!

Well, now that you guys all know, in great detail, what I do in my spare time, you are probably wondering why I just told you all about my trip to the bathroom.  Where's the life lesson in all of this.

My hope was in sharing this, that it got you to laugh.  We sometimes keep some of our best stories private because they are deemed socially "inappropriate." Think back to when you were a kid how many giggles you got out of a good fart.  Now, most of us are repulsed at the mere mention of the word.  When the reality is if we were all to just relax and do a little more re-connecting with our inner child's, the world would be such a happier place.

Laughter is so under utilized in our world today.  It is so sad to see more people walking down the street, stern, straight faces, as opposed to smiling happy faces.  I have told the above story to 5 different people since being home, and each time I tell it, we both are doubled over laughing.  If you find yourself feeling down today or you have low energy and you want to change it, make yourself laugh.  Burp, fart, watch a funny movie, call up a friend and ask them to tell you a funny story.  You want to make a new friend, or make a new memory with an old one, make them laugh.  Let go of the things we "think" we are supposed to talk about and let the good times roll.  Share an embarrassing story, let others have a giggle at your expense.  I certainly hope you all did at mine.  Laugh, Laugh, and then laugh some more, it is the best medicine and is so good for the soul.  Every time you laugh, that is one less time that you can frown.  Never underestimate the power of a good laugh, it can change the world.

Enjoy the pics,

Carpe Diem,



  1. Thank you 4 the laugh! I totally needed it! And you r right about the stern face ... A student asked me just this week if I ever laughed and it took me aback bc I realized I had never laughed in front of him and have always had a serious expression and demeanor around him and my other kids ......thanks for the reminder of what a good laugh does for ones soul! =D

    PS- Even mom got a laugh out of your blog after I translated it to her! =)

  2. I can't get the image, of you wiping your *you know what* to the blanket, off my head... :))

  3. Thank you Jesse, you did many laughs to me, I it imagine and return to laughs. I tell him that I have 2 children men, so this one type of jokes (farts, eruptos, ets.) they are common in house, always they do to me many laughs for which they are a part of the life and we are in confidence, I congratulate it on the honesty and the naturalness that him gave to the statement, every day I become convinced more than you he is a good human being and the special XXLth (jajaja)

  4. Funny story. Duvet, Bidet, personally I never think of men using a bidet, although why not.
    Now you know when your partner sends you to the
    store, to pick up a beautiful duvet in a color that matches your curtains, you'll know what it is. Oh, leave the bidets to the women.