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Sunday, August 10, 2014

Forgiveness of Self

Hi!

I hope this blog finds you happy and healthy.  Before I get to the blog I have one update I wanted to pass along to you, as well as ask a quick question.

Quick question: I was thinking about sharing with you all in a future blog a little bit about what I have been writing for the new book.  Any interest in that?

This coming Tuesday, August 12th, at 5:30pm PST will be our next #Youtube chat.  The topic will be: "Fear, what it costs us and how we can overcome it."  As always there will be a Q&A portion of the chat.  I hope you can join me.  Here is a link for Tuesday's Youtube chat: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DeW1YXHNCOc

The other day I was chatting with a friend about life.  Life is one of my favorite things to talk about and conversations about it can be fairly broad: love, death, changes, fears, hopes, relationships, dreams, and everything in between. On this particular day we talked about forgiveness, specifically forgiving of self.

When forgiveness is talked about it is so often talked about with the context of forgiving others.  Forgiving others is important, as the act of it allows us to free ourselves from the emotional control that the act that was forgiven, had over us.

So often we put our focus on forgiving others, that we forget to look in the mirror and acknowledge who else needs to be forgiven.

When we hold on to our own mistakes, our own missteps, and our own short comings, we are essentially allowing weeds to be planted in the garden that is our mind.  These weeds, will spread like wildfire when given the slightest bit of attention.

When we fail to forgive ourselves it is like putting on a back pack and filling it with heavy rocks.  Each rock represents something we are holding onto.  The more we hold onto the more weight we have to carry.  The more weight we have to carry the slower we move, the faster we get worn out, and the more rapidly we cease moving forward. The power in forgiving yourself is that it allows you to live in the present rather than be held back by the past. 

Forgiveness with yourself begins by first honestly acknowledging what part you played in whatever happened.  Allow yourself to see the situation for what it was, not better than it was and not worse than it was, just for what it was.  Accept that what happened has happened and it is now in the past.  You can't go back and change it (as much as we all my like to in the moment), what you can do is learn from it and resolve to use it for a greater good in your life going forward.

Remember you are human which means you are not above or beyond making mistakes.  You, despite your best efforts, will likely cause pain, hurt feelings, piss off, and frustrate other people.  It is a part of life.

What does not have to be a part of life is holding onto the pain that comes from those events.

Free yourself by forgiving yourself.

My questions to you is this:  Are you willing to forgive yourself?  Can you remember a time you forgave yourself?  What was that experience like and how did it impact your life?  Is there something you are holding onto and have not forgiven yourself for?  What is it and why?

Unchain yourself from the past by forgiving yourself and embrace the life that is waiting for you.

Carpe Diem,

Jesse

2 comments:

  1. Jesse,

    Yet another insightful blog post. This is a topic I struggle with daily so thank you for shedding light on this human emotion.

    While reading this blog, a few sentences jumped out and borderline smacked me in the face, "we are essentially allowing weeds to be planted in the garden that is our mind. These weeds, will spread like wildfire when given the slightest bit of attention." - How absolutely accurate is that? Not only do people (self included) not forgive themselves, we also make the problem larger than it was/is. In doing so, the spiral of regret goes to a level that is even harder to climb out of. It's harder to climb up Mount Everest than it is to climb over a speed bump.

    The other sentence was " Allow yourself to see the situation for what it was, not better than it was and not worse than it was, just for what it was." - This hits home, too. It's so easy to think that you are the worst person in the world after you caused someone/something pain. It's so much easier to dwell than it is to dust yourself off and stand up again. Sometimes an individuals thought process is that they don't deserve to stand up again, they deserve to be on the ground. Thank goodness there are people like you in the world to remind us how much we are worth. We are worth forgiveness, most importantly from ourselves.

    Thank you.




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