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Sunday, January 29, 2017

5 Common Misunderstandings that Will Ruin Any Relationship

Hi Everyone,

Recently I was asked to guest blog and the topic I was asked to write about is: "5 Common Misunderstandings That Will Ruin Any Relationship."

I wanted to make sure you had the chance to read it as well.  I have included it below along with a few links to helpful resources.

Please feel free to pass it along to your friends.



Relationships are the source of some of our most blissful, fulfilling, and pleasurable experiences when they are working; but when they are not, they can be the root of some of our deepest pain.

When our relationships are going well, we walk with a lightness in our steps, sunshine follows us everywhere, and the birds are always singing. When our relationships are not going well, we drag ourselves through the day with a dark cloud following us everywhere and the birds are nowhere to be found.

To minimize the pain and maximize the pleasure of your relationship, here are 5 common misunderstandings that will ruin any relationship:


* It is your partner's job to fix you.

As you go through life you learn how to fear, doubt, and form limiting beliefs about yourself and the world at large. This "stuff" of yours likely has negative consequences on your mental, emotional, and physical states - perhaps making you feel broken in some ways. It is not your partner’s job to fix you. The tools of love, while powerful, are not necessarily the tools that can ease fear, dispel doubt, and repair limiting beliefs. If you have “stuff” affecting your quality of life and your relationship, seek the help of a counselor, a coach, or a therapist. If you rely on your partner then you are adding a burden that the relationship was not meant to bare.

(Check out my program "Your Life Toolbox" to get an assortment of tools designed to help you live a happy, healthy, and fulfilling life.)


* Your relationship has space for your "baggage”.

Airlines limit your carry-on items to two and the more checked baggage you have, the higher the fee they charge you. There is a reason baggage is limited: There’s only enough room for two and in your relationship, that is You and Your partner. When you embark on new adventures go forth with only what you need and leave the rest behind. If you bring into your new relationship all of your past relationships and the mental and emotional turmoil they entail, you undoubtedly set yourself up for a challenging road ahead. Want your relationship to succeed? Then adhere to the wise words of "leave your baggage at the door."

(I have an awesome course on Self Love that can really help you with this.  Check it out by clicking here.)


* Assuming you are loved unconditionally.

I get it - I too was raised on the Disney inspired notion of happily ever after and the unconditional love that comes with it. But, after the handsome prince rescues the damsel in distress, they kiss, and ride off into the sunset have you ever stopped to wonder- what then? That's when the real relationship happens and the work to make it a lasting and fulfilling one begins. The biggest mistake I see couples make is assuming that their partner loves them unconditionally and that no matter what they say or do their partner will continue to love them. Unconditional, meaning without conditions, and yet you, me and everyone else has conditions that need to be met for our relationship to last and our love to flourish. If you really are in your relationship for the long haul, drop the fantasy and dig in to getting to know and understand your partner and what their conditions are. Once you understand those, you can make it your relationship mission to ensure those conditions are always met.


* Believing that how you show/express love is how your partner wants to be shown love.

In Gary Chapman's must-read relationship book "The Five Love Languages", Chapman discusses in depth the five distinct ways we show, demonstrate, or communicate love to our partners. The challenge couples face: how you show love and want to be shown love, may be completely different than how your partner show's love and wants to be shown love - in essence, you are speaking different love languages. Imagine going to China and trying to speak Greek... you may not get as far as you would like. Do yourself a favor and read the book "The Five Love Languages." Better yet, make it a mandatory reading for the relationship, and have a discussion about it before you go to bed each night.


* Relying on sex to solve the problems.

A friend of mine would often joke that whenever his relationships were in a rough spot he would just spend a little more time in the "Boom Boom Room" and everything would be OK. To date, he still hasn't found the long term relationship he wants. Sex has an important role in the relationship, but when that role starts to involve sweeping the problems of the relationship under the rug with the rest of the dirt, it is only a matter of time before the relationship and sex life turns sour. The rug can only hide so much so if you want a relationship that lasts, you have to make it a habit to clean under the rug - often. The cool thing is that the more you clean, the less there is to clean. I suggest setting a time, once a week, for a regular relationship check-up. During this time, you and your partner can talk about what is going great in the relationship and what you can improve upon. Making regular communication like this a priority will not only keep the space under the rug clean, it will also ensure that the sizzle stays in your sex life.

I hope you found value in this.  Please leave a comment below and let me know what you think.

Carpe Diem,

Jesse

http://www.jessebrisendine.com
http://www.facebook.com/1year1000challenge

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