The Inside Scoop on Jesse Brisendine part 3

Well the time has arrived, part 3, the conclusion of Macie's guest blog about me.  Have you all enjoyed it?  I know I certainly have.  I felt all sorts of feelings when Macie and I first spoke of this idea.  I felt shy, I felt naked, I felt some trepidation, and when I read what Macie wrote, I still felt those things, but more than anything, I felt love and loved.  Not only that but reading the overwhelmingly positive response's and comments from all of you has only furthered the love I have been feeling.  This experience has been an amazing one.

Ok, I know you are eagerly awaiting the conclusion of Macie's guest blog, but before we get to that a couple quick updates:

Mark your calendars - Wednesday February 11th at 4:30pm PST will be our next Monthly Motivation Youtube chat.  The topic will be "Love."  To view the live chat, click here

We had some really significant win's this week in the Zero Limits Mastermind - One member got a new job and another went back to school and earned a scholarship to pay for her education.  What the ZLM members are doing is absolutely inspiring.  To learn more about ZLM and how you can become a member, click here.

Lastly, the 28 Day Flat Belly Challenge wraps up today.  There was an awesome group of participants.  I am excited to share with you all the final results as well as the winner who I will highlight in this weeks "Success Story" post on the 1 Year 1000 Challenge facebook page.

Ok, onto Macie:

If you haven't read parts 1 & 2 you are going to want to read them first.  Click here to read part1 and here to read part 2

Jesse is a 6'4” body builder type with bubbling muscles and clear skin; he works out pretty much every day (often twice a day) and brings his own protein powder to the gym. But he's sensitive. People can't seem to latch on to that easily either.

So who is Jesse Brisendine? Is he the man in the pictures that you see on facebook? The brooding specimen that fits emotion, humor, and humility into one, good-looking package? Sure. He's that guy. But he has also been sullen and dark and lifeless. His depression after Gabe's death, and then his dad's inspired H.E.E.A.L., which Jesse has always fully supported, and it was born from that dark period in his life when I had no idea how to pull him out of it. Jesse Brisendine is honest. He is goofy. He has been the voice of reason in my sobriety of four years, and he has been the pouting face after I miraculously beat him in mini golf. He is, and has always been, silly.

<www.heealsb.org>

Right before Jesse lost his dad, he took a trip to Haiti with Paul. It was his first major outing after Gabe's death. It was also right around his birthday, which Jesse has always pretended not to exist, even though I know he secretly loves the compassion and meaning that gets flung at him on that day. I wrote Paul a letter that day. The day they were leaving. I thanked him for helping my friend. Not for being Paul Walker. But for being Jesse's confidant. Jesse wrote me saying they were both in the car to the airport sobbing over the letter. Yes. Boys cry.

Losing Paul seemed like the absolute impossible, and I watched Jesse become a more level-headed griever, if there is such a thing. I hate that he can even be that, but I'm also thankful that he hasn't lost hope. That's really who he is. Cautiously hopeful. He isn't fearless. He is scared, just like you and me. He's scared of love, of failure, and of hurt. He is ambitious and driven, but he is often tired and lonely. He is the healthiest man at times, but he is also my partner in crime for fabulous displays of frozen yogurt and toppings. He prides himself on how little sleep he can get by on, (but falls asleep within the first 20 minutes of movies), he works hard to better himself in every aspect, and he is my absolute favorite person to gossip with. He has faults and flaws just like anyone else, but he is the first to go about bettering himself and basking in who he is. He has an outstanding moral compass.

Sometimes I read the articles that Jesse writes and ponder a little bit. I'll even find myself saying, “ya that's kind of how he felt.” Or, “I guess it was like that.” I pick it apart. Try and find the truth that is hiding between the lines. But that's not really what's happening. He isn't hiding the truth. He is just uncovering it at his own pace. He told all of us at Gabe's funeral that we should hug each other and tell each other we love you every day. He said it's important and it was how Gabe was. I've been in serious relationships with men for probably 85% of the time I've known Jesse. Yet his hugs and “I love yous” have always been the most genuine. That is not to discount the fine suitors I have flocked to, but it is to show some perspective on the grandiose presence of Jesse Brisendine's love. Maybe it's because I thought there was a time when he would never feel positive emotion again. Maybe it's because our trust has never truly been questioned. All I know is that he spoke the truth at that funeral, and he has stuck to his word. That's a pretty bold and badass move to make. I've unfortunately been to my fair share of funerals, and I have come to see them as the place where falsified promises are made out of shock and grief, but where bad habits brood, and grudges fail to dissipate. You can call it pessimism, but I'm just saying what I'm thinking. Jesse defied these generalizations.

This man is not just the one you see online. I mean, he is that man, yes, but he's a real human. We have jumped out of planes together, belted our lungs out to “Livin' on a Prayer” on karaoke night, and played makeshift laser tag in the garage. One time I hid in his closet for 45 minutes on Friday the 13^th to scare the shit out of him, and he was inches away from punching me in the face out of sheer terror. His screams were priceless. We've ridden roller coasters (he's terrified), taken road trips, and thrown parties. We have this high five that we do. Jesse is about a foot taller than me, so he always holds his hand way up high and then we both jump at the same time for righteous contact. It's pretty awesome. Although one time the contact was so intense that I ended up flashing a garage-full of people sprawled on my back. It happens.

Jesse is not perfect. We wouldn't be friends if he was. He has painfully awkward dance moves and he can stink up a room like no one I know. He wears the same 3 tank tops to work out in all the time, and after he washes the dishes he runs his gross hands all through his beard. I never understood that. Once in a while he holds things in and it can come off as passive aggressive, and every now and then he'll text the ex. But he is a flaw forgiver too. He excuses my flannel dog pajamas, calls my constant fashion expression “colorful” instead of childish, and he has yet to exploit that whole I-shit-my-pants incident. He deserves your respect and your commitment to him.

You need Jesse Brisendine. You need a place to feel safe and to explore your insecurities, vulnerabilities, and question marks. And, truthfully, I need Jesse Brisendine for very similar reasons. I laugh at people who say that boys and girls can never be “just friends.” They're right to some extent I guess. Jesse can never be just a friend. That word doesn't do our relationship justice. It's not every day a young man you barely know chases down Vegas workers to find some girl in the dead of the afternoon just because he has a bad feeling. We were destined for life-long togetherness from the start. The truth is, I'm proud of Jesse for inspiring you. I'm proud of him for having these followers, these fans, and this life that he has truly always been after. He has worked hard and earned it. You are important. You are evidence that Jesse's purpose goes beyond our little bubble here. But I will always be on the inside. I will always need just a little bit differently.

And I'll tell you a secret. Jesse needs us too.


Macie's Bio:

Macie is your average Feminist Studies and Exercise and Sports Science major from UCSB. By average, she means she's a walking contradiction. She loves all things sports and competition, and she is also a passionate philanthropist and activist. Most important, she is a nerd at heart. Macie coaches and runs character development programs from high school girls soccer players, and she continuously pursues her favorite activity - writing. Macie's various, but important passions include her non-profit organization, H.E.E.A.L. (Hope through Exercise, Energy, and Art for Life), which serves to fund other organizations who promote and provide exercise and art outlets (www.heealsb.org). They also include her podcast, Dropping the F Bomb (www.droppingthefbomb.org), which delves into modern-day feminism with a little bit of an attitude, and her blog, Lifestyle of the Torn and Triad, which follows her journey through her 3rd knee surgery in her 20s (http://lifestyleofthetornandtriad.weebly.com/blog). Macie will also be starting as a contributor for Elite Daily (www.elitedaily.com).

Jesse here:

Well folks, there you have it.  What did you think of Macie's guest blog?  Did you enjoy it? What are some key take aways you got out of it?  Would you like to see more blog's like this in the future?  I would love to hear what you think (and I know Macie will too) please leave a comment or three below.

Also if you found value or enjoyment in this, please share it with a friend.  Your shares help me to help more people.

I wanted to add one final comment... I do not believe in coincidences.  It was five years ago today (February 1st) that my Dad died.  Macie and I had just left a meeting at the University of California Santa Barbara (UCSB) and had gotten into our respective cars.  I saw my Mom had called and had a horrible feeling.  When I called her back and she told me what happened, I called Macie who had just driven off. 

Macie nor I planned the timing of this to work out that way.  It has been a very special gift, one that I will always treasure.

Thank You for reading, Thank You for your ongoing support, and Thank You for being You. I am grateful for You.

Enjoy the pics,

Carpe Diem,

Jesse

www.jessebrisendine.com
www.facebook.com/1year1000challenge