Follow by Email

Saturday, January 31, 2015

The Inside Scoop on Jesse Brisendine part 3

Well the time has arrived, part 3, the conclusion of Macie's guest blog about me.  Have you all enjoyed it?  I know I certainly have.  I felt all sorts of feelings when Macie and I first spoke of this idea.  I felt shy, I felt naked, I felt some trepidation, and when I read what Macie wrote, I still felt those things, but more than anything, I felt love and loved.  Not only that but reading the overwhelmingly positive response's and comments from all of you has only furthered the love I have been feeling.  This experience has been an amazing one.

Ok, I know you are eagerly awaiting the conclusion of Macie's guest blog, but before we get to that a couple quick updates:

Mark your calendars - Wednesday February 11th at 4:30pm PST will be our next Monthly Motivation Youtube chat.  The topic will be "Love."  To view the live chat, click here

We had some really significant win's this week in the Zero Limits Mastermind - One member got a new job and another went back to school and earned a scholarship to pay for her education.  What the ZLM members are doing is absolutely inspiring.  To learn more about ZLM and how you can become a member, click here.

Lastly, the 28 Day Flat Belly Challenge wraps up today.  There was an awesome group of participants.  I am excited to share with you all the final results as well as the winner who I will highlight in this weeks "Success Story" post on the 1 Year 1000 Challenge facebook page.

Ok, onto Macie:

If you haven't read parts 1 & 2 you are going to want to read them first.  Click here to read part1 and here to read part 2

Jesse is a 6'4” body builder type with bubbling muscles and clear skin; he works out pretty much every day (often twice a day) and brings his own protein powder to the gym. But he's sensitive. People can't seem to latch on to that easily either.



So who is Jesse Brisendine? Is he the man in the pictures that you see on facebook? The brooding specimen that fits emotion, humor, and humility into one, good-looking package? Sure. He's that guy. But he has also been sullen and dark and lifeless. His depression after Gabe's death, and then his dad's inspired H.E.E.A.L., which Jesse has always fully supported, and it was born from that dark period in his life when I had no idea how to pull him out of it. Jesse Brisendine is honest. He is goofy. He has been the voice of reason in my sobriety of four years, and he has been the pouting face after I miraculously beat him in mini golf. He is, and has always been, silly.


Right before Jesse lost his dad, he took a trip to Haiti with Paul. It was his first major outing after Gabe's death. It was also right around his birthday, which Jesse has always pretended not to exist, even though I know he secretly loves the compassion and meaning that gets flung at him on that day. I wrote Paul a letter that day. The day they were leaving. I thanked him for helping my friend. Not for being Paul Walker. But for being Jesse's confidant. Jesse wrote me saying they were both in the car to the airport sobbing over the letter. Yes. Boys cry.

Losing Paul seemed like the absolute impossible, and I watched Jesse become a more level-headed griever, if there is such a thing. I hate that he can even be that, but I'm also thankful that he hasn't lost hope. That's really who he is. Cautiously hopeful. He isn't fearless. He is scared, just like you and me. He's scared of love, of failure, and of hurt. He is ambitious and driven, but he is often tired and lonely. He is the healthiest man at times, but he is also my partner in crime for fabulous displays of frozen yogurt and toppings. He prides himself on how little sleep he can get by on, (but falls asleep within the first 20 minutes of movies), he works hard to better himself in every aspect, and he is my absolute favorite person to gossip with. He has faults and flaws just like anyone else, but he is the first to go about bettering himself and basking in who he is. He has an outstanding moral compass.

Sometimes I read the articles that Jesse writes and ponder a little bit. I'll even find myself saying, “ya that's kind of how he felt.” Or, “I guess it was like that.” I pick it apart. Try and find the truth that is hiding between the lines. But that's not really what's happening. He isn't hiding the truth. He is just uncovering it at his own pace. He told all of us at Gabe's funeral that we should hug each other and tell each other we love you every day. He said it's important and it was how Gabe was. I've been in serious relationships with men for probably 85% of the time I've known Jesse. Yet his hugs and “I love yous” have always been the most genuine. That is not to discount the fine suitors I have flocked to, but it is to show some perspective on the grandiose presence of Jesse Brisendine's love. Maybe it's because I thought there was a time when he would never feel positive emotion again. Maybe it's because our trust has never truly been questioned. All I know is that he spoke the truth at that funeral, and he has stuck to his word. That's a pretty bold and badass move to make. I've unfortunately been to my fair share of funerals, and I have come to see them as the place where falsified promises are made out of shock and grief, but where bad habits brood, and grudges fail to dissipate. You can call it pessimism, but I'm just saying what I'm thinking. Jesse defied these generalizations.

This man is not just the one you see online. I mean, he is that man, yes, but he's a real human. We have jumped out of planes together, belted our lungs out to “Livin' on a Prayer” on karaoke night, and played makeshift laser tag in the garage. One time I hid in his closet for 45 minutes on Friday the 13th to scare the shit out of him, and he was inches away from punching me in the face out of sheer terror. His screams were priceless. We've ridden roller coasters (he's terrified), taken road trips, and thrown parties. We have this high five that we do. Jesse is about a foot taller than me, so he always holds his hand way up high and then we both jump at the same time for righteous contact. It's pretty awesome. Although one time the contact was so intense that I ended up flashing a garage-full of people sprawled on my back. It happens.

Jesse is not perfect. We wouldn't be friends if he was. He has painfully awkward dance moves and he can stink up a room like no one I know. He wears the same 3 tank tops to work out in all the time, and after he washes the dishes he runs his gross hands all through his beard. I never understood that. Once in a while he holds things in and it can come off as passive aggressive, and every now and then he'll text the ex. But he is a flaw forgiver too. He excuses my flannel dog pajamas, calls my constant fashion expression “colorful” instead of childish, and he has yet to exploit that whole I-shit-my-pants incident. He deserves your respect and your commitment to him.

You need Jesse Brisendine. You need a place to feel safe and to explore your insecurities, vulnerabilities, and question marks. And, truthfully, I need Jesse Brisendine for very similar reasons. I laugh at people who say that boys and girls can never be “just friends.” They're right to some extent I guess. Jesse can never be just a friend. That word doesn't do our relationship justice. It's not every day a young man you barely know chases down Vegas workers to find some girl in the dead of the afternoon just because he has a bad feeling. We were destined for life-long togetherness from the start. The truth is, I'm proud of Jesse for inspiring you. I'm proud of him for having these followers, these fans, and this life that he has truly always been after. He has worked hard and earned it. You are important. You are evidence that Jesse's purpose goes beyond our little bubble here. But I will always be on the inside. I will always need just a little bit differently.

And I'll tell you a secret. Jesse needs us too.


Macie's Bio:

Macie is your average Feminist Studies and Exercise and Sports Science major from UCSB. By average, she means she's a walking contradiction. She loves all things sports and competition, and she is also a passionate philanthropist and activist. Most important, she is a nerd at heart. Macie coaches and runs character development programs from high school girls soccer players, and she continuously pursues her favorite activity - writing. Macie's various, but important passions include her non-profit organization, H.E.E.A.L. (Hope through Exercise, Energy, and Art for Life), which serves to fund other organizations who promote and provide exercise and art outlets (www.heealsb.org). They also include her podcast, Dropping the F Bomb (www.droppingthefbomb.org), which delves into modern-day feminism with a little bit of an attitude, and her blog, Lifestyle of the Torn and Triad, which follows her journey through her 3rd knee surgery in her 20s (http://lifestyleofthetornandtriad.weebly.com/blog). Macie will also be starting as a contributor for Elite Daily (www.elitedaily.com).

Jesse here:

Well folks, there you have it.  What did you think of Macie's guest blog?  Did you enjoy it? What are some key take aways you got out of it?  Would you like to see more blog's like this in the future?  I would love to hear what you think (and I know Macie will too) please leave a comment or three below.

Also if you found value or enjoyment in this, please share it with a friend.  Your shares help me to help more people.

I wanted to add one final comment... I do not believe in coincidences.  It was five years ago today (February 1st) that my Dad died.  Macie and I had just left a meeting at the University of California Santa Barbara (UCSB) and had gotten into our respective cars.  I saw my Mom had called and had a horrible feeling.  When I called her back and she told me what happened, I called Macie who had just driven off. 

Macie nor I planned the timing of this to work out that way.  It has been a very special gift, one that I will always treasure.

Thank You for reading, Thank You for your ongoing support, and Thank You for being You. I am grateful for You.

Enjoy the pics,

Carpe Diem,

Jesse

www.jessebrisendine.com
www.facebook.com/1year1000challenge









Saturday, January 24, 2015

The Inside Scoop on Jesse Brisendine part 2

Hi there!

Last week I invited one of my best friends, Macie Berlin, to do a guest blog and share some stories about me.

If you haven't read last week's blog, aka Part one of "The Inside Scoop on Jesse Brisendine" you are going to want to read that first before you read today's.  Click here to read it.

Before I get to part 2, can I first say how much I love Macie's writing.  Over the course of our friendship I have gotten to read a lot of Macie's writings and each time I am amazed by the talent she has for it.  She has a way of capturing moments/memories and putting the emotion and feelings right back into them.

Anyways, I know you are eagerly waiting for part two, before I get to that just a quick reminder that beginning tomorrow, Monday January 26th, enrollment will open up for the Six Weeks to Your Greatest You program.  I'll only be taking 20 people for this one of a kind experience.  Claim your spot quick because this program will sell out. I will be sending an email out on Monday as well as posting it to Facebook on the 1 Year 1000 Challenge page.

Ok, onto Maice:

I take a lot of pride in how hard I can make that guy laugh. I have always thought of myself as quick-witted and humorous, but it's always a sort of self-fulfilling validation when someone else receives you the same. It also matters to me that I make Jesse laugh because I have seen him go without laughter for what has felt like eternities.


I know you know about Gabe. Or “Maverick” as I knew him based on Jesse's introduction one Super Bowl Sunday years ago. What you don't know is that Gabe's death occurred the day after my college graduation ceremony and party, both of which Jesse had attended. Or that it came 5 days before we were supposed to be getting on a plane to Texas to board a cruise ship and sail around the Caribbean. Or that Jesse and I had pondered life's meaning and direction minutes before the infamous text message in the public library. I didn't really understand Gabe's death at the time. I cried at his funeral, I questioned the note that he left, and I hurt for my friends. I didn't know what to do. So I just listened. I had nightmares every night because Jesse would describe the event in such detail to me. I had nowhere to place the images that I concocted via his descriptions, so they became figments of a scary fantasy, but I knew that Jesse needed to spill those memories somewhere. One day, shortly after everything, Jesse pulled up outside of my apartment and we just sat in his car and cried. He had a tupperware of tuna on his lap and I remember staring at it, as I held his head to my shoulder. I couldn't take my eyes off of that damn tuna. And I couldn't figure out how to save my savior.

Life did go on, but it took a really long time. The relationships that existed in our little circle of friends were strained and changed forever. Drinking had an edge to it, and the elephant in the room was life size. Jesse wasn't famous back then, but he was still well-known and well-respected. He had a lot of people who were there for him, and eventually the people who weren't were weened out and life started to take a new form of regeneration. It took a lot though. I moved in at the same time Tomas did, and the three of us lived together. I attribute some of their coping mechanisms to deal with the weight of Gabe's brutal death to having me as a “little sister” who lived with them during that time. Their pranks and teasing were a mutual ground for both of them, and we all knew what was at stake without the fun and the games. I was willing to be subjected to getting locked in my own closet and having the life scared out of me every time I came around a corner and they jumped out at me in order to give them some sort of solace. Some sort of ground to pick up the pieces that were so broken.

The other mutual ground around that time was the women who pined after my roommates. Girls – if you ever live with two straight men – brace yourself for the folly of females. I learned a lot about who I did NOT want to be by watching the women think they were involved with these men who had zero interest in them. They would invite themselves over for bbqs and explain to me their dating history with Jesse or Tomas, and they would want to be my best friend. (I was the roommate, but I was a threat in their eyes nonetheless – hence the desperation of friendship). Don't get me wrong, it wasn't a revolving circle of endless women; it was just a hilarious enjoyment for me to watch the girls expect what I knew would never come for them. Jesse has always had many admirers. He doesn't share very much about them, so I'm doing my woman-friend duties and breaking down the reality for you.

He doesn't date well. The girls are either in it for the wrong reasons or a complete snooze-fest. I'm protective and picky for Jesse, so it's not like I'm not on the hunt. But regardless. The man can use some help in this department.

I secretly applied Jesse to be on ABC's The Bachelorette one year, and then completely forgot about it until the producers called him and pushed him through to the next level. It was the most confusing day of his life, and one of the best of mine. I filled out all of the questions, shot his video, and coached him to say all of the right things to get the final slot. I was excited and the teenage girl in me flew to action. I made him brush his teeth with his shirt off like 14 times just to say “Hello ABC.” I think he went through an entire tube of toothpaste. It worked. He had a final interview in LA, and I knew he would get on.  Except that he dropped out. Know why?

The ex.

That's how I refer to her. I tolerated her for about 8 months simply because Jesse told me to, but I never liked her. And I wasn't exactly shy about my feelings toward her. Jesse would say “you guys are a lot alike and she's really driven and blah blah blah,” and I would shoot daggers at him through my disinterested green eyes – we were not alike, and I was insulted to hear such a claim. She was using him, and I wanted her GONE. She stayed at the house without permission, her humor was acceptable once every 16 dirty jokes or so, and she was completely lost and dependent on my friend. She didn't want to date Jesse, she wanted to BE Jesse. But instead she tore him down. She told him all the things he wasn't good at and could never be. She misread his sensitivity for weakness, and she was always on to the next best thing. Girlfriends must be accepted by the girl friend. It's the cardinal rule of co-ed friendship. She failed miserably.

She broke up with him and then threw her fishing rod out to lure him back in once in a while when she felt low about herself, which I imagined to be often. Unfortunately for ABC, this kept Jesse from being a shoo-in on The Bachelorette. Sorry America, I tried.

Sometimes I wonder if many of his followers are intrigued by Jesse because of his good looks and then somehow end up falling for him. It's totally in your right. I always worry that you won't really understand Jesse. You won't see him beyond his online presence. And that scares me. Regardless, if you think you're the bee's knees and made for Jesse Brisendine, I would truly love to talk to you.

Admittedly, I don't have a perfect dating record either. Jesse has helped scoop me off of the floor after cheater and liar have crushed my open heart, and he has been the bearer of bad news when he has sensed or seen a major red flag in the men of my liking. When I lived with Jesse and Tomas, they would salivate at the idea of a boy coming over. When we would go out together, if I was talking to a guy, they would come over, shake his hand, fart, and then walk away, leaving us with the literal stench and discomfort. But Jesse has also been my biggest pusher toward love. He has made an effort to meet the men I've loved, to listen to my ups and downs, and to weigh in from a male perspective. Between the two of our dating lives, we have come to simply call it “girl talk.” I wrote a book a few years ago and then decided I didn't want to publish it. It depicts my entire (relatively short) life in the scheme of men who have affected it in various degrees. It became more of a cathartic process for me, but I shared it with Jesse nonetheless and he has continually supported my writing habit. That's another thing about him – he is passionate about my passions.


Did I mention one of those passions is feminism? I won't go through the name-calling that Jesse teased me with when I first told him I was a feminist, but I knew it was out of love. And let's be honest, everyone has an eye roll and label to press when it comes to feminism. I studied it in college, went on my first protest when I was 20, and continuously dabble and dive in the ever-present issues that are dripping in feminism. Jesse never identifies me as just that, but he is always up for a good discussion about assholes and opinions. We share the commonality of defying connotative stigmas attached to many of our characteristics. I am young, blonde, and light-eyed; I wear high heels and get dressed up at times; I cuss and cry and watch really, really bad tv. But I'm a feminist. People can't seem to get that. Jesse is a 6'4” body builder type with bubbling muscles and clear skin; he works out pretty much every day (often twice a day) and brings his own protein powder to the gym. But he's sensitive. People can't seem to latch on to that easily either.


So who is Jesse Brisendine? Is he... to be concluded next week.

Next week's blog: Jesse's weird habits, Haiti, more grief, and who he is today

Macie's Bio:

Macie is your average Feminist Studies and Exercise and Sports Science major from UCSB. By average, she means she's a walking contradiction. She loves all things sports and competition, and she is also a passionate philanthropist and activist. Most important, she is a nerd at heart. Macie coaches and runs character development programs from high school girls soccer players, and she continuously pursues her favorite activity - writing. Macie's various, but important passions include her non-profit organization, H.E.E.A.L. (Hope through Exercise, Energy, and Art for Life), which serves to fund other organizations who promote and provide exercise and art outlets (www.heealsb.org). They also include her podcast, Dropping the F Bomb (www.droppingthefbomb.org), which delves into modern-day feminism with a little bit of an attitude, and her blog, Lifestyle of the Torn and Triad, which follows her journey through her 3rd knee surgery in her 20s (http://lifestyleofthetornandtriad.weebly.com/blog). Macie will also be starting as a contributor for Elite Daily (www.elitedaily.com).

Jesse Here:

There is something both scary and freeing about having someone so close to you write about you. I don't think I would let anyone do this other than Macie.  I trust her and I am thankful for that trust as allowing her to do this has been a trip down memory lane for me.  It has allowed me to relive some amazing memories and process experiences in the past from the present perspective.  I hope you all are enjoying Macie's stories as much as I am.

I have attached a few more photos of Macie and I.

Enjoy the photos,

Carpe Diem,

Jesse

http://www.jessebrisendine.com
http://www.facebook.com/1year1000challenge