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Sunday, May 4, 2014

Please be Respectful

This blog comes with a disclaimer... Before you read any further, I want to remind you all that I am human, and as a human I experience similar emotions, have similar dreams, deal with similar frustrations, get upset, have highs and lows just like all of you.

As many of you know, five months ago my best friend was killed in a car accident.  Since he was a well known public figure, news of his death, and how he lived his life, swept across the world.

Millions of people have shared stories of what he meant to them, offered love and support to those his loss affected the deepest, and have shown amazing generosity in keeping his legacy alive by supporting his charity Reach Out World Wide. To those of you who have done this and continue to do so, no amount of thanks will ever be able to fully express the gratitude I feel towards you.  Thank You.

There is also a much smaller group of people that has used Paul's tragic passing as a "doorway," to try and claim a piece of him and acquire personal information about him.

The grieving process is hard no matter who you have lost. A different element of "hardness" is added to the grieving process when the person is a celebrity and the world wants to constantly talk about it. I do not fault people for some of the actions they have taken.  Sadly we live in a world where we are taught that what is going on in a famous persons life is more important than what is being done to bring about world peace and end famine. We also live in a  world that is driven by ratings and on that note I will simply say this: I hope you all live your lives and never have to experience seeing someone you love being exploited on TV for a ratings boost.

Last night I was at a BBQ and a guy there, who I had just met, tried to contribute to the group conversation by making an inappropriate "Paul Walker" comparison.  He was very soft spoken so the group did not hear and he only attempted it twice.  I know he didn't know mine and Paul's relationship and I also know he was only trying to gain social approval from the group by contributing something that he felt was significant.  Knowing this, I  silently told myself if he said it a 3rd time I would politely say something, if he said it a 4th time I would not so politely do something.

Last week I was grabbing dinner with a friend.  While we were sitting at the bar a group of guys standing behind us started talking about Paul making jokes about how he is releasing movies now the same way Tupac released music after he died.  My friend saw me fuming and  sent me to the bathroom, he then talked with the guys.  He is a good friend.

Two weeks ago I was sitting with a group of people I had just met, a preview for one of Paul's movies came on, and the topic quickly shifted to Paul and how he died, I started crying.

Several weeks ago I ran into a guy who knew Paul and I, he immediately started asking me about what the family was doing with his estate.  I politely told him that if he wanted to know about that go read the tabloids.

And so on... You all get the idea.  Keep in mind the above are a sample of recent events in the last month.  You can imagine what it was like December - March.  I am not going to lie, it can be really hard to put my own emotions aside and remind myself of where the above people may be coming from and why they choose to talk about my friend.  There are times where I feel like I am going to snap and rip someones head off (yes, even positive happy, motivational guys like myself can and do get angry), I mean this is my friend they are using as dinner table conversation.  How would they feel if it had been their friend and now they were subjected to people using their friend as idle chit chat?

I receive on average a minimum of three emails a week from people claiming to have known Paul, wanting to know Paul, or wanting to know more about him.  Some of the things I have been asked to disclose are completely disrespectful to myself and to Paul.  Some of the things I have been told have been deeply hurtful.  I humbly ask those of you who have done this, those who continue to do this, and those who are thinking about doing this, to please stop. The only personal information I am going to share has been shared.  Your messages hurt my heart and serve as a constant reminder that a person who is very special to me is no longer a physical presence in my life, nor will he ever be again.

If you are going to insist on continuing to contact me, please label your emails appropriately i.e. "This is an inappropriate hurtful message," so that I can delete it without having to view it; vs masking many of the emails as someone who is coming to me for help and trying to improve their life.

Imagine if the roll was reversed and your brother, or your son, or your best friend had been killed, and it was me emailing you, asking you to divulge personal information about him, or pretending I had known him.  It would probably hurt, wouldn't it?

In addition, it seems that there are still people posting "pages" to our 1 Year 1000 Challenge community Page asking people to "like" their page that is related to Paul in some way.  As I have said before the 1000 Challenge page is not an appropriate place for that kind of solicitation.  The 1000 Challenge page is about making the best out of your life, it is about finding the tools and resources to create the life of your dreams.  With this in mind, I humbly ask those of you who continue to do this solicitation behavior on the 1000 Challenge page, to please stop.

I also ask all of you who may be a member of the 1000 Challenge community, that if you see one of these posts, to please report it to Facebook as being spam.

Just because I am this positive motivational guy does not mean I am impervious to pain.  I feel pain and I feel it very deeply, I am human after all.

To the millions of you that have been more than amazing and supportive, I thank you.  To the thousands of you who make up our awesome 1000 Challenge Community and are taking the time to read and share this blog, I thank you.  And to the small few of you who have participated in what has been the main focus of this blog, I want you to know that I forgive you for what has transpired in the past, and I thank you for being respectful and honoring my request to no longer send inappropriate emails, make inappropriate comments, and solicit on the 1000 Challenge page.

Carpe Diem,

Jesse


34 comments:

  1. unbelievable what people there :-( I hope the right will read it, be ashamed and learn from it! a hug from me

    I hope my enlish is okay...because I am from germany and my english is......:-/...not soo good

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  2. My heart breaks for you and those people who knew him. I'm so sorry you have to deal with all of this on top of it.

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  3. First off I am deeply sorry for your loss. If I lost a best friend I would be shattered. As for the rest of your blog, I think you were very tactful with your words. I am pretty sure none of your readers knew the full extent of your friendship or how deeply hurt you are by his passing. I am sorry people are using your pain and friendship to exploit him. If the world was meant to know someone who was close to him would tell us. I loved his acting but didn't know him, I don't read tabloids because most of them are untrue, most of them just want a story. As for the life coach aspect I am learning we all have our days. I was talking to a friend about being a life coach and made the comment, I don't think I would be good, I don't have my life together. Her response was that puts me in the perfect place, it gives the clients perspective that they aren't alone. So in closing kudos to all you do and all the people you help. I love reading your inspiration on Facebook. I am sorry for you loss but more sorry we live in a world where people think it is OK to slander the deceased. May peace and love surround you and everyone else affected in this difficult time.

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  4. Hey Jesse,

    I know the pain of losing both family and friends under tragic circumstances and in a very public manner. I know the stories and rumours that can circulate and how agonising these can be to hear. Unfortunately, where there are human beings there will always be this particular calibre of human being. For the most part, you can be guaranteed that they have never lost anybody and felt that void that death leaves behind. I often think of Paul's family, his daughter, and his close friends and wonder how they are doing. I feel a deep sense of pride for them when it comes to the legacy Paul left behind in ROWW and think if I or any of my kids achieved anything even close then I would die a proud woman.

    I'll be honest, I still struggle some days when I look backwards. But since I have discovered your 1000 challenges pages and your short and to the point little nuggets of wisdom that go along with them, I find it brightens me up just enough to make a difference.

    My point is this Jesse: You are only human. You are allowed to hurt and get angry and be upset sometimes. But, please don't allow narrow minded and ignorant people to get inside your head or your heart. You are evidently better than that. It takes the better person to walk away. I would hate to see you stepping back from your own pages because of these people.

    Stay strong, thinking of you,

    Alison.

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  5. This makes me sad. Although some won't know there actions are hurting you it still makes me sad that common sense seems to have left them. You have been there for so many, including me, with your wise words and positive outlook. Regarding the blog hoggers, we've got your back and will report the spam. Take care xx

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  6. I am so sorry that people are so rude and harsh! Whether they were a fan of him or not, it gives no one the right to speak ill of someone who has passed on from this life. I am a huge fan of Paul, not just of his movies but who he was, to friends like you and his family, I love what he created with ROWW, and I give my support in any way I can, I think some people forget that trying to get close to him through his family and friends can reignite pain and grief that you are all trying to push through, I still cry when I see a movie or read an article. I have found through your posts that you are a wonderful person, so sensitive and motivational, for someone to not see that you would feel such great pain shows ignorance. I will continue to pray for you, his family, and the rest of his friends, for his organization to continue to thrive, and for the fans that still hurt over his passing...Good luck, I hope that all of the ignorance will be cleared from your life soon so that you too can move on and heal, much love!

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  7. Wow Jesse I can't believe how soft and still nice you are in writing this. I can't imagine how hard it is for people close to him but I do know how hard it is for me or his true fans. Unfortunately media will never stop with this wild goosechase for wow breaking news of someone's life especially a plublic one. It's even sader that people who suppose to be his friends or have known him do that. Hope you find the power to move forward without much hurting and still be our positive support every day. I haven't said this to anyone till now because is still a shock for me a simple far away fan, couple of days in that week before the news I chated with Paul on fb wow I was stunded to even get his comment or reponse and yes it was him ..at first was suspicios about being his pers account that he had for friends and not isteric fans. He was very sweet and mainly chat about at time his realse Hours told him I would go see it that Friday. I did and then told myself tell him how much I liked it in the weekeand. ...well that never happend because in the morning I had to read instead the message from his team and publicist as everyone else. I still do not know how to call that. Recently thanks to Jesse's motivation and his coaching on the course 6weeks to the greatest you, I got may strength to go alone on a trip to france paris for a weekend. Well done jobJesse and boy he was write to say "with a little bit of work the most beautiful things are seen from above". The weekend was great and had a bit of bitter sweet moment when found the new movie on screens yes in paris rolling and got in. Hard to what a movie now. God I cried at an action movie....as I never had and strangely also others in the room near me or just feeling said and still finding hard to believe . It was Paris and people was crying and laughing at same time at a movie that was full of action. do hope and belive that those close to him and real fans will keep his legacy going. Jesse I hope will find that strong will and motivation that you are giving us.

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  8. So sorry for your pain Jesse. Hope time heals your spirit and makes people realize better how their actions hurt others

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  9. Hello Jesse,
    First of all I am very sorry for your loss (and his family too). Many of us knows what you feel (still we try to support the ROWW and love his acting-by the way his acting in Brick Mansions with David Belle is perfect). So I would like to say you be strong and please, donť leave your pages (I´m sorry for my english). I wish you the best. Carpe Diem

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  10. Jesse, we are all stranger's in a foreign land when it comes to communicating via the Internet. In normal reality people have codes of conduct that require manner's to be used when communicating with other people. I am British and we LOVE our manner's. They are a common language that help in those awkward situations. I have at times let my manner's fall to the way side. We are all human's, making mistakes and learning from them. We all are new to this type of communication via the web. One thing I have noticed is that everyone I know has a different way of using it, but those who wear their heart on their sleeve and pour every thought, emotion, or share too much info about their personal lives, make other's feel awkward. It's like a giant High School, with all the different types of personalities that exists. I know that when my brother died in 2008, and then my parents, I did go through a stage of posting heartfelt and loving messages on my FB about my family. Mostly, just a photo and a quote. It helped me connect with other people that do not live near me, or also knew my family. But my friend's on FB are like 236 people. So in your case, you are having to deal with the reactions of millions of people. Therefore, millions more of human expression and energy being expressed, and fired in your line. Losing people we love is the hardest experience that we can go through. I know that losing my family change me and my life. This is why I am talking to you here, because I have compassion and understand of this. I am a women, who is maternal and caring, as many women are, and we reach out to show we care. I think that we all can learn from each other about all of these experiences. I have never had a famous friend. The thing I liked about PW, is that I didn't know anything about him. I never ever knew him name. I saw FF once in 2007. But the reason I reached out here, is because after he died, it brought up my own grief. We are all on a universal energy level. The advent of social media, is that people who were once removed through geography, now can meet online, and this creates all kinds of chaos. I have written a book about the advent of this era. It is based on my own experiences. But one thing I have learnt is that reality is more important. Family, and friends, loved ones are more important. Its imperative that you take time to allow your own grief to flow from the volcano of emotion. After my brother killed himself, I choose to spend more time in nature, with animals, and gardening more. I am obsessed with plants and gardening! I tried socialising more in London and in Bucks, afterwards, but ended up being around lots of people socially who were on a surface level. Lets face it, the world of socializing can be shallow at best. We have all moved through those various stages of social development, High School, Uni, Career networking ect, and for deeper thinking people, shallowness can be hard. There is no map for grief. The landscape is vast and lonely, but opens ones heart to the possibilities of understanding and love. Home life is a nurturing womb that can help heal grief. I know I am a home girl! Blessing to you and be kind to YOU. You are going to come up against this again and again. Far from the madding crowd! Ciao Charlotte

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  11. Very well spoken Jesse! Part of the problem is people just don't think. I was in a local electronics store buying a tablet in February and one sales guy made a very poor joke about Paul. I didn't even know him but it ticked me off. He must have seen the daggers shooting from my eyes because he quickly apologized. I couldn't imagine how that kind of crap must feel for you. I hope it gets better, faster for you.

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  12. Hello Jesse...I'm very sorry for your loss of such an amazing person!.. I to have experienced a tragic loss of a family member that became very public..and I truly feel your pain. Thank you for your blog..you are an amazing person who deserves to grieve in piece.. As well as his family!!

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  13. You know, you could prevent world wars with your tact and diplomacy! Enjoyed reading this blog just sad that the issues raised needed addressing.

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  14. Hi Jesse. I am sorry that these people feel the need to hurt you. Jealousy is a terrible thing. I can feel the hurt and anger in your words. I too would be hurt and angry. Just remember he was your best friend and nothing or nobody can take away your friendship, your memories, or all the time you had together. Stay strong and know he is watching over you.

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  15. Hi Jesse, It's much like everyday life. When anyone dies-- friends and relatives unbeknownst to that person come out of the woodwork, like it's a badge of honor or something. It's a sad thing...........You've handle this situation they exact way we would expect for you to----with great style and class! :) Thank-you!

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  16. Sorry Jesse to thank Dana in 1000 Community Challenge .. I know it's not the right place .. I had no choice. Knowing that Paul was your friend, never touched your name on your page ... people are talking about a day the skin will feel the pain of loss ... my pain is great ... still mourn the loss. On day 24 until day 30 of each month, I pay my tribute to him .. the lid of my facebook is dedicated in his memory. I found a way to say that you will love forever ... as a human being .. as a man and as an actor. Also cry when they speak something I do not like ... I think people are poor in spirit. You, Jesse is an enlightened being ... I pray every day for the family ... friends and fans of the two ..! Roger and Paul! God bless Jesse .. A big hug to relieve some of the pain ..!

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  17. Jesse, Thank you for sharing your feelings and frustrations not surprisingly with much dignity and class. I am not much of a movie-goer, and only every saw one film starring Paul but I truly admired him as the humanitarian he was. His legacy and impact on people's lives all over the world is what people should be focusing on, and follow his example to make difference. I will never understand the fascination people have with celebrities private lives, and in a way feel sorry for people who have to live their own lives thru others. If only they could put 1/10th of the energy they put in spreading ugly rumors and being callous to help others who are in need, the world would truly be a better place.

    I am sure this has been an extremely difficult time for you but try to ignore those who are jealous, and insensitive.You would not be human if you did not have feelings of anger and hurt over their behavior, and it makes me sad that you even had to write this blog to address this. Just keep doing what you do, and take heart that you make a positive difference in so many people's lives every day. You are a class act! Much strength and peace, my friend. Hugs.

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  18. Thanks to you I have taken many things from your teachings and it has made such a difference to my life. I hope people understand now this tragedy has been truly hard for you and show you the respect you so deserve. Love to you Jesse. xx

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  19. Sorry that there are such curel people in this world. My heart hurts for you, Paul's family, and his friends. All I can do is pray for y'all <3

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  20. i don't think this will every stop.. maybe get less with time. But I admire you for your strength, positivity and inspiration. Your smile lights up the day and I hope you will always receive back the positive influence and energy you give us followers.

    Eda

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  21. I hear you and feel you Jesse! I completely understand where you are coming from. Every time I hear or read some not so nice words about Paul I get hurt too, how much more if you are the one who hear and read it...I can imagine the pain and fury that you can feel, you two are best of friends. Jesse you have the right to get angry and pissed off, it's normal, I'm so impressed and proud of you for not confronting those people, you're a real man! Do not waste your time since they are very few. Millions of people around the world loves Paul Walker and I am one of them, I'm a huge fan of him and I love him that's why I don't easily believe in what I hear and read not unless it's coming from his family, best friends like you and other people close to him and I also try not to read tabloids because I know those are trash. If I want to know more and learn more about Paul Walker all I have to do is to watch all his interviews on YouTube over and over again, because I know that's the only way I could find out the real him, all about him...coming from his own mouth. We just have to ignore those people who have nothing to do with their lives, but to create and spread rumors... we know karma is real, God bless them! Continue to be strong Jesse, God is with you and WE... your supporters and followers are also with you. Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner...remember? ;-)

    Love from the Philippines

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  22. Soory to read what all happend. :'( Really made me sad and belive me. I don't like all this "Pages" and comments from people who wants likes. I will report all the ones i see. They should live their lives. I think you know what i mean.

    Send you positive energy from good old Germany.

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  23. I am deeply moved and appreciative that so many of you took the time to read and comment on my blog. Your feedback as well as your words of support and encouragement are greatly appreciated.

    Much love and of course Carpe Diem :)

    Jesse

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  24. Very well said Jesse. As a huge Paul Walker fan since 2001 I am embarrassed and saddened that there are people out there calling themselves fans who are being so cruel and disrespectful. I like many other fans around the world was heartbroken when I heard about his passing. I chose to honor him in the only way as a fan I knew how and that was by continuing to watch his movies and by continuing to support his charity ROWW. I first heard about your 1 year 1000 challenge when watching Paul's interview on the George Lopez show a few years back and he gave you a big shout out. I remember being intrigued by the "Shrek" comment and how proud he seemed to be about your challenge so I looked you up and have been a faithful reader of your blog ever since. I love reading your blog because you're always so positive and motivating even when you're not - you're only human and entitled to feel otherwise yet you still seem to turn a negative into a positive and i think that is what has kept me coming back to your blog and reading and re-reading some of your entries. I never knew Paul as much as i would of loved to because he truly seemed like such an awesome, down to earth, chill guy. He seemed to surround himself with such good people so thank you for sharing the stories you've shared with us and as a fan I apologize for the few who are tasteless and heartless. Continue to do what you do Jesse and I hope those who pry and fish for information really take the time to read your words and take heed. Much love Jesse. Nancy Q.

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  25. Jesse,
    Thank you for continuing to be open and honest; it is very powerful. Regardless of how those that read your blog and follow you on Facebook were introduced to you it is quite obvious that you are a HUGE inspiration to many. You continue to encourage even when you are discouraged because you are not out for personal gain. You have been a big inspiration to me. I have done things that I never would have done and look forward to doing more :) I was so busy doing life that I wasn't really living and your commitment and generosity to share your heart and encouragement has helped so much. All one has to do is follow you for a few days on Facebook, watch one or two YouTube videos and read a blog to know that you have good motives and are not the kind of friend to do things for personal gain. My prayers are constantly with you and those closest to Paul. It's difficult to lose someone but to have to do so so publicly is even more difficult. I am a teacher and youth counselor and am inspired by the friendships you and Paul have. You surround yourself with good people and that is important in life. Since you are always inspiring us I wanted to share two songs that I think will encourage you and your readers. The first could be the theme song for the 1 Year 1000 Things Challenge - Good to Be Alive by Jason Gray. The second is for those going through grief or who are close to someone going through grief - Not Right Now by Jason Gray. I hope you are encouraged.

    Thank you for all you do out of the kindness of your heart.

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  26.  I hit the dreams, overcome hurts, lived with weak, endured the false and now I know I have the strength to face any obstacle ..!

    "Let your dreams take care of you. Dreams are necessary to life. Which angels to pack your sleep! And throw away everything bad day now." Good night!

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  27. I read all your text and detested everyone who did their grief, I thought it was only the Brazilians who were cheated sordid, and abominable human being.

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  28. Thank you for sharing so Jesse personal belongings. I can not believe how some people can be so insensitive, and do not respect other people's feelings. I have always respected you and your page, because in many ways you have helped me in my life to change for the better.

    Thank you, Jesse

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  29. Dear Jesse I wanted to sincerely apologize if any comments I personally made hurt you. I truly believe Jehovah God has a ressurection planned and we will all be able to see our loved ones on Earth again. This brings me so much comfort and I hoped it would only help you to process your grief too. Learning about Paul through his death has inspired me to live life the way I would want remembered in death

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  30. While maintaining the balance not to 'fall there' so to speak, when you get 'attacked', provoked, etc., and still be as objective, understanding and tactful as you were / are ... It's really admirable!
    Nor is it easy to put words on them upset, sad feelings you have inside ... even harder ... to write them down.
    Thank you for being such an inspiration and make others think, feel and act for a better well-being. Time is so precious, and you spend your time by putting others before yourself ...One can not but admire you!

    Mia

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  31. Hey Jesse

    I'm sure your blog is only just a snapshot to the rest of us of the intense pain you're feeling. I really do admire your strength and tenacity to keep on pushing through all of it. Unfortunately, the emotional intelligence button appears to be switched off for some people. For whatever reason, maybe these people really are just unaware or aren't ready to learn yet; I hope your blog gives them a 'light bulb' moment or two! Sympathy is easy; empathy much, much harder for many...

    You're a beautiful, brave human being Jesse, even more so for sharing your experiences in the way you do.

    Lots of hugs
    Andrea

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  32. Dear Jesse. I am sad to see how insensitive people could be. You have helped Paul and would be the one person who knew him best. He was an extraordinary human being with so much love and compassion for the less fortunate. I pray that you will be given strength to bolster all the rumours about Paul which included his death as a hoax. He did not deserve this. I wish you well in all your endeavours.
    God Bless
    Lor Werner

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