5 Common Misunderstandings that Will Ruin Any Relationship

Hi Everyone,

Recently I was asked to guest blog and the topic I was asked to write about is: "5 Common Misunderstandings That Will Ruin Any Relationship."

I wanted to make sure you had the chance to read it as well.  I have included it below along with a few links to helpful resources.

Please feel free to pass it along to your friends.

Relationships are the source of some of our most blissful, fulfilling, and pleasurable experiences when they are working; but when they are not, they can be the root of some of our deepest pain.

When our relationships are going well, we walk with a lightness in our steps, sunshine follows us everywhere, and the birds are always singing. When our relationships are not going well, we drag ourselves through the day with a dark cloud following us everywhere and the birds are nowhere to be found.

To minimize the pain and maximize the pleasure of your relationship, here are 5 common misunderstandings that will ruin any relationship:


* It is your partner's job to fix you.

As you go through life you learn how to fear, doubt, and form limiting beliefs about yourself and the world at large. This "stuff" of yours likely has negative consequences on your mental, emotional, and physical states - perhaps making you feel broken in some ways. It is not your partner’s job to fix you. The tools of love, while powerful, are not necessarily the tools that can ease fear, dispel doubt, and repair limiting beliefs. If you have “stuff” affecting your quality of life and your relationship, seek the help of a counselor, a coach, or a therapist. If you rely on your partner then you are adding a burden that the relationship was not meant to bare.

(Check out my program "Your Life Toolbox" to get an assortment of tools designed to help you live a happy, healthy, and fulfilling life.)


* Your relationship has space for your "baggage”.

Airlines limit your carry-on items to two and the more checked baggage you have, the higher the fee they charge you. There is a reason baggage is limited: There’s only enough room for two and in your relationship, that is You and Your partner. When you embark on new adventures go forth with only what you need and leave the rest behind. If you bring into your new relationship all of your past relationships and the mental and emotional turmoil they entail, you undoubtedly set yourself up for a challenging road ahead. Want your relationship to succeed? Then adhere to the wise words of "leave your baggage at the door."

(I have an awesome course on Self Love that can really help you with this.  Check it out by clicking here.)


* Assuming you are loved unconditionally.

I get it - I too was raised on the Disney inspired notion of happily ever after and the unconditional love that comes with it. But, after the handsome prince rescues the damsel in distress, they kiss, and ride off into the sunset have you ever stopped to wonder- what then? That's when the real relationship happens and the work to make it a lasting and fulfilling one begins. The biggest mistake I see couples make is assuming that their partner loves them unconditionally and that no matter what they say or do their partner will continue to love them. Unconditional, meaning without conditions, and yet you, me and everyone else has conditions that need to be met for our relationship to last and our love to flourish. If you really are in your relationship for the long haul, drop the fantasy and dig in to getting to know and understand your partner and what their conditions are. Once you understand those, you can make it your relationship mission to ensure those conditions are always met.


* Believing that how you show/express love is how your partner wants to be shown love.

In Gary Chapman's must-read relationship book "The Five Love Languages", Chapman discusses in depth the five distinct ways we show, demonstrate, or communicate love to our partners. The challenge couples face: how you show love and want to be shown love, may be completely different than how your partner show's love and wants to be shown love - in essence, you are speaking different love languages. Imagine going to China and trying to speak Greek... you may not get as far as you would like. Do yourself a favor and read the book "The Five Love Languages." Better yet, make it a mandatory reading for the relationship, and have a discussion about it before you go to bed each night.


* Relying on sex to solve the problems.

A friend of mine would often joke that whenever his relationships were in a rough spot he would just spend a little more time in the "Boom Boom Room" and everything would be OK. To date, he still hasn't found the long term relationship he wants. Sex has an important role in the relationship, but when that role starts to involve sweeping the problems of the relationship under the rug with the rest of the dirt, it is only a matter of time before the relationship and sex life turns sour. The rug can only hide so much so if you want a relationship that lasts, you have to make it a habit to clean under the rug - often. The cool thing is that the more you clean, the less there is to clean. I suggest setting a time, once a week, for a regular relationship check-up. During this time, you and your partner can talk about what is going great in the relationship and what you can improve upon. Making regular communication like this a priority will not only keep the space under the rug clean, it will also ensure that the sizzle stays in your sex life.

I hope you found value in this.  Please leave a comment below and let me know what you think.

Carpe Diem,

Jesse

http://www.jessebrisendine.com
http://www.facebook.com/1year1000challenge

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I Cried When I Sold my Car

A couple weeks ago I bought a new car and as a part of that process traded in my old car.

The last few years I have had ongoing back problems which has limited a lot of the things I enjoy doing physically. 

For the last year I have been pulling the magnifying glass out and looking at day to day behaviors in an attempt to asses where I can reduce certain movements and the toll they take.

One of the more taxing movements was getting in and out of my car.

Realizing this I began the process, about six months ago, to look for a new car.

I say "began the process," because I was not overly motivated to look.  I still liked my car enough and it still had plenty of miles left in it, but as time went on it became more evident of what I was giving up by not moving forward.

Have you ever felt like that?  Felt like you were giving something up by not moving forward?  Felt like your unwillingness to change was keeping you from something more?

I did my research and when it finally came time to make a decision I began to feel sad at the prospect of saying goodbye to my "Little Car," (a name I have affectionately called it for the last eight years).

When I signed the papers for my new car, I walked outside to look through my "Little Car" to make sure I had got all my possessions and say goodbye.  As I did this I began to cry.  In that moment I was flooded with this deep feeling of gratitude I had for my Little Car.

I looked at it and saw so many memories in the 109,000 miles we had traveled together. 

My Little Car was home to 1000's of laughs and tears. It was the vehicle that took me to so many amazing sunrise's and sunset's.  It always got me safely from point A, B, C - Z and back again.  It was what carried me to my Mom's house, in silence, after learning my Dad had died.  It was where countless heart to heart's happened. My Little Car had so much good news shared within it's interior as well as housed a number of heartbreaks too.

All this and more came rushing back to me as I said goodbye to my Little Car - a Gratitude for it I had never felt before.

When I finally drove away from it, my heart was so filled with love and appreciation for it that I found myself thinking: "I want to feel this level of gratitude all the time."

Gratitude adds a deeper level of meaning in life and when you live your life from a place of gratitude you will find that there just isn't a lot of room for the "other stuff."

I am grateful for all the amazing moments experienced in my Little Car.  I am extra grateful for the final amazing moment we shared together and the valuable life lesson that was contained within it: the importance of living each day from a place of love and gratitude.

Carpe Diem,

Jesse

http://www.jessebrisendine.com
http://www.facebook.com/1year1000challenge 

Honoring Those You Have Lost

If you live you will lose - as they say two things you can be certain about are death and taxes.

Loss can be one of the most devastating and life altering events you will ever go through. It can rock you to your core and the aftermath of it could derail your life, permanently, if you do not deliberately take steps to get back on track and move forward after your loss.

The challenge of course is "how." How do you do that after you have lost someone you love so deeply.

How?


In the last few years I have lost three very important people in my life: one of my best friends to suicide, my Dad unexpectedly two weeks after being declared cancer free (you can read those stories here) and my best friend to a car crash.

Each of these deaths came with additional life struggles... relationships ending, struggling to "fit in," unmotivated, uninspired, etc...

Through all this, I kept coming back to the question of "how?" How do you move forward after loss?  How do you move forward to not merely exist, but to truly live?  How do you move forward to live a happy and fulfilling life?

Having gone through the challenge of loss myself, as well as with numerous clients from all over the world what I have found to be most effective in doing the above is deciding on a path that honors your loved one and traveling it.

When we allow ourselves to begin to live a life to honor those we have lost, it can give our lives a renewed sense of meaning and purpose.  Two vital ingredients to a fulfilling life.

Recently I shared a video of an event I have hosted for the last three years... it is part of an ongoing mission to live my life in a way that honors my best friend.  Every year, on his birthday, people take a photo of a sunrise and/or sunset and share it on social media.  I take several of the photos and put them together in a video which you can see below.

If you are reading this and you are at a time in your life where you find yourself struggling with loss, I encourage you to look within and ask yourself, "how can I begin to live my life to honor who I have lost?"

Your answer may present the meaning and purpose you seek.

Carpe Diem and with Love,

Jesse

P.S. I also lovingly invite you to check out my "Healing from Loss" program You can learn all about it by clicking here.

http://www.jessebrisendine.com
http://www.facebook.com/1year1000challenge

How to Heal From The Heart Break of Loss

Hi there!

Hope this blog finds you enjoying your day and smiling wherever you are in the world.

I believe a smile is one of the most beautiful expressions we humans have been gifted with.  A smile says so much and each day we are gifted with 24 hours of opportunity to share and express our smiles.

Sadly, so many people do not smile, and for many of them the reason why is because they are handicapped in life by the pain of a loss they endured.

Having struggled through several painful losses of my own, I know, first hand, just how life altering and devastating those losses can be.

Over the years I have had the honor of helping over 4,000 people from all over the world live happier and more fulfilling lives.  Without fail, one of the biggest obstacles I would see people up against, the source of so many of them being "stuck" in life, was loss.

Loss is an inevitable part of life and while we cannot technically prevent that from happening, what we can do is prevent so many beautiful people from suffering so unnecessarily from the ongoing pain of loss.

Recently I hosted a talk on "How to Heal From The Heart Break of Loss," I felt it may be of value to you so here it is.

This talk is intended for those of you who have lost, or know someone who has lost and is struggling with their loss and you want to help them.

My hope is that this video helps you heal and move forward in life.

If you connected with it and would like to take the next step by taking "Healing From Loss," you can sign up here.

It would be my honor to help you Heal From Your Loss.

Carpe Diem,

Jesse

http://www.jessebrisendine.com/healing-from-loss/

The Politics of Personal Power

Hi there!

We are finally, and thankfully, entering the home stretch of what has been an absolute circus (in my opinion) of our Presidential race here in the USA.

As someone who is in the business of empowering others to live more fulfilling lives, I have consistently found myself appalled at some of the statements being made by our presidential candidates as well as the news media that covers them.

It seems (my opinion) that political agendas aside, one thing that nearly all of them agree on, is a messaging that people need them.

There is an exorbitant amount of "fear" being sold to, packaged, and repackaged to the voting populace.  "They" (the candidates running for president and news media) would have you think that the quality of your life will not improve without voting for them or tuning into their news coverage.

What I think is most tragic in all of this is the ongoing marketing to folks that they are powerless to do anything themselves.  It seems politicians are selling people fish vs teaching them how to fish.

I wanted to address this and hopefully offer some words/insights that might be able to help someone who is trying to navigate the treacherous waters of this years political scene. In this spirit I hosted an impromptu Facebook Live discussing the "Politics of Personal Power."

During this talk I address fears, political persuasion, news media coverage, and who you should put your faith in to change your life.

You can watch that video here

I hope you allow yourself to tap into your power when watching the video.

Carpe Diem,

Jesse

http://www.jessebrisendine.com
http://www.facebook.com/1year1000challenge

P.S. I know that some of us have very strong opinions about politicians and political affiliations.  Please be respectful of others when commenting.

Value Comes from Within

What is the value of a car, a purse, a home, a vacation, a pencil?  Did you answer with a dollar amount?

How about your happiness, what is the value of that? Can you answer that with a  dollar amount?

How do  we quantify things like happiness when they do not necessarily have the tangibleness of something like a car?

This presents the challenge that so many people face: placing a higher value on things vs their own happiness and fulfillment.

We all know someone who bought the car they could not afford because they said it would "make them happy."  And we all see that same person experiencing more stress from the car (payments, maintenance, worrying about it getting any scratches on it, etc...), rather than the happiness they thought it would bring.   

Where does value come from and how do we go about determining something's value?

In the below video I talk all about this and how you have the power to decide what is truly valuable to you.

 

 

 What do you place a high value on?  Does value factor into your day to day decision making process when it comes to things like happiness, joy and fulfillment in life?

You only have one life to live and it is your opportunity to make the most of it.  If you are wanting to place a hire value on yourself - your quality of life than you have before, I can help. Click here to schedule a time for us to chat about creating a greater level of value in your life.

 

Carpe Diem,

Jesse

http://www.jessebrisendine.com

http://www.facebook.com/1year1000challenge 

The Insidiousness of ALS

You may or may not know about the ongoing interview series I have been doing with my friend Johnny Aspra's Epicurean Cowboy Foundation.

In late 2014 Johnny was diagnosed with ALS aka Lou Gehrig's disease.

He approached me in 2015 about wanting to make a difference and raise awareness about ALS.

Johnny said he was "shocked," how few people knew what ALS was when he told them about his diagnosis.

Folks may have heard about it (Ice Bucket Challenge), but didn't understand what it was (It is not like getting cold water dumped on your head).

Johnny and I came up with the idea to do an ongoing series of conversations where Johnny would take us all along as his journey. His mission is two fold:

1 - Raise awareness about ALS and bring to light the insidiousness of the disease

and

2 - Inspire people to live with dignity in the face of a terminal illness.

I am sharing the most recent episode below. I have to warn you, it is a hard one to sit through as Johnny tells us about an incident that happened on the Fourth of July that left him feeling defenseless, helpless, and let down by humanity.

My hope is that whoever this video reaches, takes a moment, (after you have wiped the tears from your eyes), to ask themselves, "How can I do better as a human? How can I love a little more today?"

My belief is that if we all worked just a little bit harder at being better versions of ourselves and committed to choosing love first - that's when all of our worlds change.

Carpe Diem,

Jesse

https://www.facebook.com/epicureancowboyfoundation/videos/1030111313710511/

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If you would like to donate to Johnny's GoFundMe page, you can do so at this link: 

https://www.gofundme.com/john-aspra 

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What the Heck Are Men Thinking?

I need your help, especially from the ladies out there.

Over the years I have been blessed to work with 1000's of people from all over the planet. I have seen it time and time again - one of the biggest struggles that people face, both in and out of a relationships, is communication.

Failure to communicate or communicating to failure has probably been the cause of more heart ache, heart break, confusion, frustration, stress, pain - heck you name it and poor communication likely played a roll in it.

Among the leading culprits in this communication breakdown: the challenges men and women face when trying to understand one another, or figure out what the heck the other person is thinking.

This is where I need your help...

I am toying with the idea of putting a new program together, but to make the decision, I need your extremely valuable input!

If you could know or understand anything about a guy, what would it be?

Examples: What is he thinking? Why doesn't he show emotions? Why didn't he call? Why does he say one thing and do another? etc...

Think personal and professional, in and out of relationship,  contexts!

Please leave your thoughts and insights in the comments below.  Feel free to leave more than one thought/question.

My intention for this program, should it happen, is to help you crack the "guy code," and ultimately help both men and women communicate more effectively with one another.

Grateful for you taking the time to do this and am looking forward to receiving your thoughts.

Carpe Diem,

Jesse

http://www.jessebrisendine.com
http:/www.facebook.com/1year1000challenge

What Does Your Fear Cost You?

Let me ask you a question, what is scarier... the thing(s) you fear, ex: heights, public speaking, taking risks, etc... 

 

OR 

 

Living your entire life allowing those fears to dictate each and every day of your life?

Which is scarier?

Is the moment you take the risk or speak in public scarier?  

 

Or 

 

Is it scarier to imagine a life filled with missed love, missed experiences, and missed opportunities.

Fear is the #1 dream killer.  Fear is the #1 belief limiter!  Fear is the #1 reason why so many people do not live the life they want to live.

What do Your fears cost You? 

I recorded a short video for you that talks about fear and just how much it will rob from your life if You allow it to.

 

 

Carpe Diem,

Jesse

 

http://www.jessebrisendine.com

http://www.facebook.com/1year1000challenge

P.S.

My clients are consistently able to face, defeat, and move beyond their fears.  If you want to face yours, I can help you.  Click here to learn more.

You Come from Love

Hey there!

If you have been a part of my journey for any amount of time, you have likely heard me speak on love and the power of it.

I find love to be absolutely fascinating. There is nothing else like it on our planet.


We crave it.
We fear it.
We want it.
We hide from it.
We seek it.
We reject it.
We love to love it.
We hate to miss it.
We confuse it.
We mis-communicate it.
We give it.
We receive it.
We share it.
We spend it.
We use it.
We abuse it.
We fight over it.
We go to war because of it.
We make peace because of it.
We change our lives for it.
We create lives with it.
We treasure it.
We are born into it.

All this and so much more


Further I believe Love is the first language we communicate with.  In fact I believe that love is our one true language.  It is a universal language that is shared by all living things. 

Tragically we can all to easily allow ourselves to be influenced and pushed away from it.

If we only make more of an effort to reconnect with what we have always known, imagine what type of place your world would be?

Recently I stumbled across one of the most beautiful videos I have ever seen.  The caption on the video had said this:

"This incredible video shows two newborn twins who still think they’re in their mother’s womb.
Using a new bathing approach called ‘The Baby Spa’, nurse Sonia Rochel gently eases the babies into their new surroundings with warm water and calming music."

As I watched this video I had goosebumps. I smiled and cried witnessing such a pure form of love on display.

As you watch I encourage you to ask yourself:

"What can I do today to focus on love?"

Carpe Diem,

Jesse

http://www.jessebrisendine.com
http://www.facebook.com/1year1000challenge

Growing Patience and Making Decisions

Hi,

Without fail, two areas I consistently see people struggle in are: Decision Making and Exercising Patience.

At first I was hesitant to record a video addressing decision making and patience at the same time because sometimes excuses about being "patient" are used to justify indecision.

The reality is indecision is almost never due to being patient and collecting more info, indecision is most often born from a fear to act.

A lack of patience can be costly - think of how much time you lose to stress and anxiety... getting worked up over things you cannot control, like traffic, simply because you do not have the patience to negotiate the situation.

If you exercised patience, perhaps your experience would be a little different.

I hope you find value in this short video.  In it I share some strategies I use for exercising a greater level of patience and making decisions.

Looking forward to reading your comment.

Carpe Diem,

Jesse

http://www.jessebrisendine.com
http://www.facebook.com/1year1000challenge

Self Love... It is Worth It.

Howdy!

Thanks for stopping by!

One quick update:

The One Billion Steps in March event is underway!!  I need everyone who is able and willing to record their steps to please please do so as we have a big goal to hit.  Click here for more info.

I posted the below to Facebook last week and it received a lot of really positive feedback.  Many people shared how it connected with them.  I felt it was a good idea to share it here in hopes that it may reach a few more people who find value in it.  Please let me know what you think:

 I got my Heart Broken for the very first time and was the BEST thing that ever happened to me!

I had been dating a girl for a couple of years.  Our relationship ran through cycles of being good to borderline great to so so to OMG how can this continue on?  We were each others best friends and at the same time each others worst enemies.  At times when we should have taken a deep breath and talked things out, we chose to instead nit pick, poke, fight, and tear each other down.

There were times throughout the relationship where I felt we needed to walk away, but when she would try to end it, I would fall apart and beg for her to take me back, promising that I, and we would change.

Eventually she got strong enough, or frustrated enough, (maybe both), to walk away for good.

I fell apart.

I could not sleep, I could not eat (I lost 20 pounds in less than three weeks), I cried so much my face was constantly swollen. I felt so lost... like I had lost... myself...

As much as I wanted to try and blame my pain on losing her, the real reality was was that I was lost because I didn't know who I was.  The loss of the relationship brought, like a geyser exploding to the surface, my lack of self love.  She had been filling a void that I had never taken the time, or made the effort to fill myself.  She was doing my job that I should have been doing for myself a long time ago.

One day I had an "Eureka" moment.  I knew I was at a crossroads in my life and the decision I made going forward was going to determine what kind of life I would live.

I had two clear choices in front of me:

A - I could continue down the path I was on, not deal with myself, get into another relationship to put a band aide on my pain, ignore my lack of Self Love be good for a little while, never great, and more than likely end up right back where I was a few more years down the road.

or, I could choose

B - To get real, I mean really real and resolve to do whatever the fuck I needed to do to dump my emotional baggage from the past and start filling up the holes inside of me with the self love I had been lacking and longing for.

"A" was an easy choice, I was familiar and comfortable with that one, "B" was scary as hell and I had no idea what to do or even where to begin.

Have you ever been there?  Had two choices in front of you... one of which is so tempting because it is easy and so familiar, but in your gut you already know how it will turn out.  However, your other option is scary as hell, you have no clue on what to do or how to do it, but in your gut you know that is the one you should choose.

I was terrified when I made the decision to go with choice "B."  Despite that fear I promised myself I would dive head long into it no matter what.  I hired a coach, read every book, listened to every guru, attended the seminars, all of it and more - I would not stop until I got to a place where I felt like I actually Loved me.

And you know what?

I got there - after a lot of hard work, commitment and fear facing, I got there, and now...

I LOVE ME. :)

When my relationship ended, I fell apart, and at the time I thought that was what my life was destined to be, a life of sadness and pain.  What I realize now is that I needed to fall apart so that I could rebuild myself into who I am today.

You see we are all like Legos - when the pieces fall apart it doesn't mean they are broken, it just means there is an opportunity to create something new, something greater.

You will always be missing out on something in life if you never find your love from within.

The greatest tragedy I witness day in and day out professionally, is meeting with folks who lack self love and lack the courage to do anything about changing it.

Their lack of self love causes so much unnecessary pain in their relationships, their professional lives, and their health.

I am so sick and tired of watching good people suffer through life when they do not have to.  Change is available to us all if we are willing to change.

With that being said, because of the overwhelming response to this post, I AM going to do a small training specifically on self love.

I'll be hosting the first ever Self Love Summit and it will begin on Tuesday March 24th.  If you would like to attend, the first step is to fill out the application at this link: 

https://jessebrisendine.wufoo.com/forms/r12weqvo107r022/

Once I receive your completed application, I will get in touch with you (make sure to include your email).

I hope to welcome many of you to the Self Love Summit. :)

#CarpeDiem,

Jesse

http://www.jessebrisendine.com
http://www.facebook.com/1year1000challenge

P.S.

Please leave a comment below and let me know what you think of this blog.  I would love to hear your feedback.  What do you think of when you think of self love?  Is it important?

Love... It IS Everywhere

It seems to be as inevitable as a tummy ache is after someone eats to much sugar - when February rolls around with Valentines Day on the horizon, conversations shift to Love, it's meaning, it's abundance, the lack of it, and much more.

I love helping people and I hate that something like Love, which is available in such abundance, escapes so many.

It breaks my heart to see people go through life lacking Love.  I know it does not have to be this way, and I want to help eliminate this problem from anyone who is willing to let me help.

Recently I hosted a Youtube chat on this very important topic.  The purpose of the chat was threefold:

1- To define what love is, the different types of love, and why it is important to be aware of the different types.

2 - To explain the difference between being in love vs "just" loving someone.

and 3 - To teach you how you can bring an abundance of love into your life.

The event was very powerful and I believe really helped a lot of people form better relationships with Love.  I also believe it equipped the viewers with several effective tools that they could take home and utilize in their relationships with others and themselves.

Because Love is so desired by all, and how to acquire it is often very misunderstood, I wanted to share this video with you all in the hopes that it will assist you and those you care about in your journey's to bring more Love into your lives.

I would love to hear what you think!  Please leave me a comment below.

With Love,

Carpe Diem,

Jesse

http://www.jessebrisendine.com
http://www.facebook.com/1year1000challenge

Lessons from My Dreams Part 2

The reason this post is titled "Lessons from My Dreams Part 2," is because two years ago I wrote a blog with the same name about a dream I had about my Dad.  If you would like to read that blog, click here.

A couple days ago I had another dream that I wanted to share with you all.  I have told myself on numerous occasions that I want to start being more mindful about writing my dreams down.  When I woke up from this dream I quickly typed up notes on it and boy am I glad I did as I feel the meaning of the dream sinks in more now than it did when I was experiencing it.

Have you ever seen the movie "The Never Ending Story?"  If you haven't, I highly encourage you to watch it, it is a fantastic movie.  The reason I ask is because some of the characters and themes that appeared in my dream were from the Never Ending story.

The last few months I have been spending a great deal of time reassessing my values and what my highest values are in life (more to come on this in future blogs/videos).  What I have discovered is that love has always been my highest value, I just never identified it directly (again more to come at a later date). 

I share the above because it sets the backdrop and provides the inspiration, I think, for the dream.

In the dream "The Nothing," (the same Nothing from The Never Ending Story) was coming to consume the world. The Nothing is essentially a void of darkness that consumes everything, especially all light and love.

In my dream I took on Atreyu's role as the hero.  I realized the only way I could save the world and stop The Nothing was by poring as much love as possible into The Nothing.

Even though I was up against The Nothing, a gigantic void of darkness, in my dream The Nothing, like most bad guys and evil things, had an evil layer that it liked to linger and lurk at.  I conveniently knew where this was and was able to drive over to it... again, very convenient. :)

On the drive over, someone who had been consumed by the nothing got in the car.  The person was dark and soulless. he looked like a cross between an evil zombie and an evil ghost.  He tried to get me, but I was able to grab onto the side of his head and focus on pouring my love into him.  This was the first real test of my strength and I was able to free the person, but doing so left me in a weakened state after.  This process repeated as I continued moving towards The Nothing; every time I gave my love to fight The Nothing, I was drained of love available to give.

I had reached a point where I was so drained that I felt like I was not going to be able to continue on when suddenly Falkor ( a half dragon half dog from The Never Ending Story) appears.  (Side note: as a kid Falkor was one of my favorite movie characters.  I used to pretend that one day he would appear and I would jump on his back and together we would fight bad guys and help those who needed help.) Falkor had somehow managed to escape The Nothing.  When he flew up to me I began to cry tears of joy because I realized I no longer had to face The Nothing on my own.  (As I slept I could feel the tears running down my face, the dream was that powerful.)  I jumped onto Falkor's back and off we went to fight The Nothing.

Falkor got me to where I needed to be and I began to make progress in my fight against The Nothing, but as I continued to fight on, I had begun to die.  I was dying because I was rapidly running out of the love I had to pour into the fight and was not getting refueled.  Much more was going out than what was coming in.

At some point during this fight, I am transported to a briefing room, the type of room you see in the movies where all the military people are sitting around making decisions (the best part about dreams is the ability to time travel and be in multiple places at once.)  While in this briefing room I am shown a map of the world and how fast The Nothing is consuming the entire planet (think any Zombie movie where they show the map and how fast the virus is spreading).

Everyone looks to me to decide what to do, but they can all tell I am dying.  That is when a few people stand up and offer to help me fight The Nothing.  When they do this I regain some of my strength, it is like their act of kindness/love refilled me enough so that I had more love to use to fight The Nothing.

I resume my fight with The Nothing and again am making progress.  I can see the top of the hill where The Nothing resides, but the hill is getting steeper and steeper and I again am running low on energy.  The Nothing is to powerful and has to many minions and evil allies. At this point in the dream I am fighting an army of The Nothing's prisoners.  I am running low on energy and slowly begin to die.  I see something in one of the prisoners, I don't know what, but I go to her and pour what little love I have left into her.  As I do this and she changes, she changes back to a human and then into a warrior who begins to fight along side of me.  I free more prisoners and they continue to turn into warriors who help me push on up the hill.

The warriors are able to hold off The Nothing's evil minions long enough for me to make my way to the final battle at the center of The Nothing.  I am in the car driving up the hill (don't ask me how I got back into the car, it is a dream remember) right before I get to the top of the hill, which has now turned into a mountain, I stop the car because I don't have the strength to drive anymore.  I begin to cry, again, feeling defeated, feeling like I am letting the world down.

Suddenly people show up and offer to help.  I recognize some of their faces as people who I freed earlier in the dream.  One picks me up and helps me back in the car, another takes over driving, the 3rd begins to hug me, and then hugs me tighter and tighter.  This person hugs me as tight as they can and tells me, "thank you, I am so grateful that you are fighting this fight to save all of us and give us all a chance at life."

This act of love, their embrace and words, from the unidentified person give  me a new level of strength.  I felt like Link from The Legend of Zelda must have felt every time he got all of his hearts fully recharged.  I actually think that image popped into my head during the dream.  ( See this video for an example ).

Before I go into the final battle I am able to record a speech that eventually gets played around the world.  In this speech I talk about how love is the ultimate power and that if we all, from this day forward, live our lives focusing on loving others and putting our love out into the world, then The Nothing and all other evils have zero chance of ever existing again. (In the dream the speech is very heartfelt and dramatic).

I charge into the battle and then the dream ends with The Nothing being defeated and white light fills up my mind.  I do not know if I survived the battle or not, but I was aware that The Nothing's presence had been eliminated.

I have reread the above a few times now and each time I find a new metaphor or a new interpretation of different elements in the dream and the dream as a whole.

What do you think of my dream?  Are there any particular elements to it that stick out?  What metaphors did you find?

I would love to hear your thoughts.  Please share them in the comments below.  If you found value in this blog, please pass it onto your friends and encourage them to "subscribe" to it.

I am looking forward to hearing what you all think of my dream.

Carpe Diem,

Jesse

Share Your Story to Inspire Others

Hi Everyone!

Over the last month, I have been really honored to have the opportunity to speak at quite a few of the local Santa Barbara High Schools and Jr. High Schools.  It has been a really fulfilling experience for me to share my story with students and inspire them to make choices that will help them to live their dreams.

Each of the talks I give are about 45 minutes to one hour long.  I am not telling them any sort of hidden secret or anything like that.  I am simply sharing my story and I weave it into a theme about choice and the power of it. 

One of the points I hit home again and again and again to students is that we all always have a choice.  We may  not be able to choose some of the events that happen to us, but we can always choose how we handle, how we deal with, and what we ultimately choose to make of those events that happen.

Stories, I believe, are one of the most powerful tools we have.  And it is a tool we all have at our disposal, as WE ALL have a story to tell!  How we choose to tell our story is where the real power lies.  Do we choose to tell the story from the point of view of victim?  Or Victor?!

What do I mean by that?  Well it is the perspective you choose to tell your story from that matters the most.  You can choose to focus on all the wrongs and the injustices that the world has shoved upon you, or you can choose to focus on all the amazing life lessons you learned from those experiences.  The story is the same, what changes is the perspective you tell it from.

The video below really illustrates this concept.  The video is about a kid named Zach, who recently died from a form of bone cancer.  He was 18 years old.  Rather than feeling sorry for himself and be angry at the world, he chose to really make the most of his time and live and love to the absolute best of his ability.  His story has now gone viral (not viral enough in my opinion) and has appeared on news casts, facebook pages, etc...

The video is about 20 minutes long and worth every second of it.  I cried while watching it.  I did not cry because it was so sad he died, I cried because it was so moving to watch someone exist who really got what life is all about.

While you are watching this video, think about what your story is.  What have you learned from it.  How can you use your story to inspire others?  Please share your thoughts, your stories, your insights below.

Carpe Diem,

Jesse

Extreme Shoe Trends: Weird, or Worth a try?

Let’s veer away from mental and emotional health for a minute...

But before that, a few updates:

1 - One of my goals this year is to provide 10x Value in everything I do.  I want to make this blog more of a resource, a better tool for you to use.  One of the ways I plan on doing this is to start inviting guest bloggers to post blogs here.  I feel they will provide valuable info and insights into areas that I am not as knowledgeable or insightful.  It is going to be a great opportunity for all of us to learn.

2. - If you have not signed up for the Flat Belly Challenge, you had better sign up soon.  There are only a few spaces left.  This program will sell out.  More details can be found here:

3 - I am planning on putting out more Youtube videos and as I said before, more blog posts.  I will not be posting everyone of these on the 1000 Challenge page as I do not want to make that page too busy.  Also I want to really start directing content towards the people who want it.  So, if you like the blogs and do not want to miss one, be sure to subscribe at the right.  And if you like the Youtube videos, please click here to subscribe to my Youtube page.

Ok, back to those Extreme Shoe Trends...

Exercise has become a pop culture trend and is chalk full of sub-trends, if you will. One trend I’m sure many have questions about is athletic footwear. There are some strange looking shoes out there now, some of which claim to change your bio-mechanics, or how your body moves naturally, with constant wear and proper use. If you’ve ever had a running coach, you know there is a “correct” way to walk or run to minimize the risk of strain and injury. Can a shoe really help change this? Here are two of the more “interesting” footwear options on the market today that claim they can:

FiveFinger Shoes – This shoe is for athletes and runners of all levels who are looking for a different “feel” while running. FiveFinger shoes have the same minimal padding throughout the sole versus a traditional shoe with most of the cushioning on the heel, and pockets for each toe to best mimic the sensation of being barefoot. Vibram (Vibram FiveFingers Trek Hiking Shoe ), the manufacturer, claims that wearing this shoe while following a proper training regimen helps force a change in the way your foot strikes the ground. By changing the natural heel to toe foot strike to a forefoot strike (the ball portion of your foot hits first), the harmful impact when your foot hits the ground is lessened, reducing risk of injury and strengthening the lower leg and foot. If you want to get an idea of how these feel, simply take a jog around the block, barefoot!

Hoka Shoes – This is a brand new shoe, and pretty much the polar opposite style of FiveFinger. Hokas are also for athletes and runners of all levels, but for those wanting a super cushioned, bouncing, and weightless sensation under their feet. The soles are shaped like rockers, with the thickest point under the mid-foot to promote a mid to forefront foot strike. Hoka shoes were designed by two avid trail runners looking for a solution to the uneven surfaces, strain of uphill to downhill running, and foot fatigue after long distances on trails. To give you an idea, the soles of Hokas are 1.5 inches thick and use foam that is even softer than traditional running shoe cushioning. The sole width (side to side) is also enlarged to provide more stability. Sounds like a lot of shoe, right? Hoka shoes also claim to be at least 15% lighter than the average running shoe.

What do you think of the Extreme Shoe Trends?  Which shoe is your favorite?  Please share your thoughts below.

Here’s where I got my info, and you can too:

 www.vibramfivefingers.com 

www.hokaoneone-na.com 


Carpe Diem,

Jesse

The Talk Test

As I am writing this, it is a little less than 24 hours away until I open up the Fat Eradicating Challenge for you all to participate in!

I am so excited for you to try out this program.  Who is eligible you might ask?  Anyone who is tired of having the "spare tire" hang over their pants.  Anyone who feels self conscious in a bathing suit.  Anyone who wants to lower their blood pressure and cholesterol.  Anyone who wants to live a healthier happier life.  Anyone who wants to have more energy to play with their kids.  Essentially anyone who wants to and is committed to Eradicating their body fat is eligible for this program.

I have tested this program out with numerous clients and it works!  The details will come out in my newsletter tomorrow.  Make sure you don't miss out, click here to sign up to my newsletter.

One of the most common questions I hear in my Fitness life is, "Jesse, when I do cardio how fast/how hard am I supposed to train at?  What is the best heart rate for me to be at?"

My first answer is always, "well, it depends on your goals."

After that my second answer is always the following recommendation, "I personally believe the "Talk Test" is the best way to gauge workout intensity for the average person who wants to be healthy and reduce body fat." 

What is the "Talk Test?' 

The talk test is a simple test that requires no equipment to perform and is always accurate. 

You begin by doing your cardio training of choice: running, walking, exercise bike, etc...  and from there, you start talking.

If you can carry on an uninterrupted conversation where it does not sound like you are even breathing hard, then guess what - YOU need to up the intensity.

If on the other hand you are working so hard that you cannot utter a couple of coherent words, then you might want to consider slowing down just a tad, as this intensity is going to be very hard to sustain over a cardio session of 20 - 30 minutes

The sweet spot is when you are huffing and puffing, but can still get a few words out without feeling like you will pass out by talking.  You should be able to say hi, hello, and comment on the weather through heavy breathing.  If however you have enough wind to talk politics, you have slowed down to much and need to pick up the pace.

For a little more info about the talk test, check out this article from the CDC:  Talk Test Article

There you have it.  With your voice as your guide, you are on your way to maximizing your time at the gym and achieving the results you want and deserve!

Carpe Diem,

Jesse

Be Present to Live a Fulfilling Life

How is 2013 going so far?  Is it the year you want it to be, or is it starting off a little slower than you had hoped?

More importantly, have you made time for you, made time for what is most important to you?  Have you made time for friends, family, your health, your PASSIONS?!?!

Every day I seem to find more reminders in the world of just how short and how precious life is.  I think we would all be in agreement that it will be hard to find someone who disagrees with this.

Yet everyday I hear stories of "life just passing by," essentially people not taking time to get present with what is most important to them, what matters most.

Why?


I want 2013 to be the most successful year for you ever!  When I say successful, I mean more than just career/financial success.  I want you to be successful in living.  I want you to have fulfilling relationships, superior health, control of your time, more Free time; and I want you to be fully present to enjoy it all.

One of the things I have begun doing in 2013 is holding a weekly poker game with a group of guys.  I used to play regularly several years ago and I loved it.  I loved it because it gave me a time to connect with other people and created an opportunity to bond and strengthen relationships.

What is something you could start doing to bond, to connect, to strengthen relationships with friends and family?

I promise you that the more present you are in your interactions with people, the higher quality relationships you will have.

Watch the short video below on the importance of being present. 

If you have already seen it before, watch it again, being present, living a fulfilling life is worth it.

What is something you could do today that will help you become more present in your life?  Please share below.  We will all learn more and live better lives by working together.  :)

Enjoy the pics,

Carpe Diem,

Jesse